Show notes –
Join Shannon & Christine as they chat about Occupational Wellness with special guest Stephanie LH Calahan.
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Stacy Abram’s Lead from the Outside
Atlas of the Heart Brené Brown
The book that changed Stephanie’s Life – The Diet Cure by Julia Ross
Imposter Syndrome & How to Overcome it
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https://www.StephanieCalahan.com
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Instagram: instagram.com/stephcalahan
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Show Transcript –
NOTE: While it’s not perfect, we offer this transcription by Otter.ai for those who are hearing impaired or who don’t find listening to a podcast enjoyable or possible.
Christine Gautreaux 0:08
Let’s do this.
Shannon M. 0:08
Okay ladies, welcome to our podcast. I am Shannon Mitchell, a black female, millennial entrepreneur, the founder of Shiloh glow, a handmade shea butter company. I am a champion for your self care, business care and intentional wellness.
Christine Gautreaux 0:25
And I am Christine Gautreaux, a white social justice advocate and international speaker, coach and published author who helps you upgrade yourself and community care.
Shannon M. 0:35
Yes. And together, we are women connected in wisdom, a podcast grounded in the eight dimensions of wellness. Welcome, welcome to our show. And we
Christine Gautreaux 0:44
like to get together every week to have intentional conversations about how do we how do we be wise in business relationships and wellness? How do we do this?
Shannon M. 0:53
Yes, yes. And together, so we can go ahead and jump into it. Today, we’re talking about occupational wellness. And that represents the feeling of purpose and productivity in one’s chosen profession. This dimension is certainly a key element, it’s what we refer to as work life balance. As an enriched and fulfilling work life is certainly required to mesh with a healthy personal life.
Christine Gautreaux 1:20
And I’m gonna lay out a balance lately.
Shannon M. 1:23
We’ve talked about it, we’ve talked about Stacey Abrams book, the last few weeks, you know, leading from the outside, and she talks about the myth of balance and how she hates that and talking about work life Jenga. And that’s, that’s really real, you know, depending on the situation, these are the rules at work, and this is what I need to take out to keep this one situation balance, you take that same piece out and another situation, you’re gonna have a whole problem on your hands. So well,
Christine Gautreaux 1:50
we had a crash, I know I had to rebuild the right thing and rebuilding it. And I was saying to somebody today cuz you know, as I in for our listeners that don’t know, I’m recovering from COVID. And it was my first time I caught it. And I am definitely vaccinated and boosted but I was traveling when the masked man, they went down and I’m pretty sure you know, I picked it up somewhere. But I was talking to somebody about it. And I said, you know, it didn’t matter who I got it from or where I got it from. I said, I have to own the piece that I was overscheduled overworked, and under resourced, and I was not getting what I know I need. I wasn’t getting my adequate sleep. I was traveling, so I wasn’t, you know, eating as clean as I usually do. Like, all the things right? All the things that keep us in balance, and just having compassion for that part of myself, and also really listening to my body when it was like, Oh, no sister, you are sitting down. And and I personally know three folks who have long haul COVID. So I was scared straight. Because I was like the minute I got that diagnosis. I was like, oh, no, I’m going to bed because I’m not pushing through. Because everything they said, you know, these folks that are in my life have said, I wish I wouldn’t have pushed through. I wish I would have rested, I wish I would have hydrated. I wish I wouldn’t push through. And you know, they they’re women. They are people who hold households in jobs and often don’t take breaks for themselves. Some of them are artists and activist and, you know, caregivers like we talked about, we still point and we talk about you know, it is a dangerous profession. And it affects our health if we’re not paying attention. And I know our guest is going to speak to that today too. I’m looking forward to this conversation.
Shannon M. 3:49
Absolutely. Yes, no, absolutely. And it’s so it’s so interesting. I knew before. That’s the basis of Shiloh glow. Right? That’s the part of the why that I’m so excited to do everything we do with women connected and wisdom is because the women have to take care of ourselves. This is not just oh, you might possibly end up No, you are automatically at risk. Your immune system is being deprived sometimes because we’re neglecting what we need, you know, so take that time. Absolutely. I have a lot of body, you know, that’s a good thing. And we’re supposed to be covering every part of it with shea butter, that’s a lot to do. Yes. And you’re worth it. And it’s a lot if you’re sick, you know, so let’s take the time on the side that we want to stay the most on. But I love how you say you have to give your grace yourself grace in certain situations too. Oh, and what I’ve been thinking about since last week was the I was trying to run a pre pandemic schedule, post pandemic and that’s not the same thing. And I’ve really been thinking about that, you know that Oh, I can do this. I’ve done it before. I had five classes and three jobs I had a full time salaried position and a side gig Well, okay. That was before all of this other stuff. So what is it now? You know, reassess the situation. Yeah.
Christine Gautreaux 5:06
Right. Well, and the other thing about just how much we’re also holding with what’s going on in our world right now, you know, with the mass shootings and the racial hatred and anger is in the war, like in the legislation, it like, it just, there is so much macro level stuff and big stuff, in addition to our own lives and our own. And what this change is constant. And in a lot of it is heavy right now. In this
Shannon M. 5:42
Yeah, yeah. And that’s outside of family and finances, and whatever the last two years is fallen, you know, where the situations are today as we speak. So that’s why we’re talking about this, you know, how are we taking care of ourselves as individuals, as those responsible for taking care of others, and then in a community sense, so we can sustain it? Because I know, I was ready to isolate myself. My mom passed away. I said, You know what, it’s too much energy. There’s too much, you know, but I also know the benefit of being in community and the risk of being isolated in some points, you know, so, okay, I let me say, but how do I do it in a healthy way? So not overextending? Myself and just boring boring, boring,
Christine Gautreaux 6:26
right. Happy, happy birthday.
Shannon M. 6:29
Thank you so much. That’s what we’re about to talk about all the years coming up with Halo glow. So that’ll be later, but yes to celebrating life and everything that we’ve had going on? Right? Yes, well, gratitude.
Christine Gautreaux 6:43
Are we ready to bring up our guests and get into this conversation today? Do you want to read the definition? One more time?
Shannon M. 6:51
No problem. So again, talking about occupational wellness specifically, and it represents the feeling of purpose and productivity in one’s chosen profession. This dimension is certainly a key element to what we refer to as work life balance as an enriching and fulfilling work life is certain certainly required to mesh with a healthy personal life.
Christine Gautreaux 7:12
All right. Our guest today, y’all is Stephanie Calahan. And Stephanie was fast tracking her way to business and financial success, quick promotions, followed by hefty salary packages. Even though she was knocking down six figures a year the emotional and physical blow she was absorbing, were knocking the wind out of her spirit and wearing down her health. See, I knew it was right timing for this guest right. reacting in the right way. She initially chose the wrong solution, starting a business that not only didn’t support her, it almost took her out completely. She has been in corporate America and was used to hustling working extremely hard every day and coming back for more again and again. It was what she did, and what she knew. But after taking the leap of faith and setting up her own coaching and consulting business, as well as serving her community, and helping clients and friends find the passions and path in life, she realized that she had taken on too much. Her body was starting to shut down. She had pushed herself to the limit of her personal endurance and had hit a crossroads. In her own words, I created a trap for myself where I took that toxic environment that I had in the corporate world and created my own version, who I was doing things that I was really excited about. But the problem was that I did not put any of me into any of that time. Ultimately, she stepped back and redefined everything. And so she stopped and assessed. She made the difficult decision that went against who she was and what her well meaning loved ones told her to do, but knew would make her who she wanted to be. And now with a flourishing business, a wonderful home life and a smile that literally covers the whole of her face. This is so true, y’all wait till you see. Isn’t she glad that she did just that today, Stephanie works with business service focused in entrepreneurs at the intersection of heart and head to leverage their business and get their message out with power, ease and joy, so they can make a powerfully positive difference in the world, exponentially uplevel their profits, shift their mindset mindset toward possibility and take a no excuse approach to boldly creating a highly successful and meaningful business built around who they are. Hello, hello. Hello, Stephanie Calahan!
Stephanie Calahan 9:48
Hello, hello. It’s good to see you both
Christine Gautreaux 9:52
Welcome to the women connected in wisdom podcast. I am so glad you are here.
Shannon M. 9:56
Yes.
Stephanie Calahan 9:57
I’m excited to be here. I’m excited for this conversation and Happy birthday.
Shannon M. 10:00
Thank you so much. Yes, when we were talking, we so you ladies know we do our coffee and chats before we bring the experts on. I said, Oh, occupational wellness for my birthday. Yeah, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about it. So, as the birthday week, I will take the liberty of the first question. Because I’d like to jump straight into the part where sometimes if we’re telling these stories in person, we could kind of talk about it and not really say anything and vaguely skim over. And then people don’t really know what happened, you know. So when we read in your bio about the thought we made the right decision, but the wrong way to fix it right, and you start this business, and then what happens? What is it that happened? And how did that help you readjust to be more set up in a healthier way?
Stephanie Calahan 10:49
Yeah. So. So it started out what I thought was great, right? So when I worked in the corporate space, I didn’t have time for much of anything but work. I literally started work before the sun came out. And I left well after the sun had gone down. In fact, when I first quit, I felt guilty if I wasn’t working when the sun was out. So that kind of lets you know, the mindset I was in when I started my business. And the other the other piece to it is, I quit my job, my husband quit his job. We moved two and a half hours south, and I had a two and a half year old, new house, new community, new business. And by the way, all those personal important things that I wasn’t able to do for the decade plus that I was a corporate consultant. I started doing so I became a rape crisis advocate that was paged in the middle of the night to go to the hospital when someone was sexually assaulted. I became a casa which is a court appointed special advocate for children that are taken out of their homes. I got on the board of the National Association of Women Business Owner chapter in my area, right, I didn’t take on small things. So I did a lot. And for a while that worked, because I am now I’m a recovering workaholic. But back then I was definitely a workaholic. I was a workaholic. I was a perfectionist, and I was a people pleaser. And all of those things combined are not a really healthy combination. And so for a while I did really well my business was flourishing. I was winning awards in my community for being the pioneer of things and you know, Young Entrepreneur Awards and that kind of thing. And I got it, you know, I finally got out of that that toxic world. And I didn’t realize I had created my own toxic world, right, I just now no longer had a boss to blame it on because I I was the boss. What ultimately happened is in late 2008, I started just losing energy. My weight had skyrocketed by about 75 pounds. And I didn’t understand why. Because I was doing all the things that you’re supposed to do working out eating right, all of those things. So my weight had skyrocketed, my energy had plummeted. I had gotten to a point where my son, who was in elementary school at the time, was taking care of me more than I was taking care of him. And that’s still he’s 21 Now, and that’s still so hard to admit. And when I say he was taking care of me more than I was taking care of him. I mean, he would come home from school, and I would have enough energy to greet him and I was on the couch laying down while he was doing stuff, my husband would come home, he’d cook a meal, my elementary age son would cut that up like you would a toddler. And then he’d helped me eat. That’s where my energy was at the time. Fortunately, a very dear friend of mine, gave me a book that I read. And I ultimately I thought that book was written for me, I’m like this woman knows who I am. And that led me down a different health path, where I ultimately hired a health practitioner who helped me figure out that, along with my doctors identified that my adrenal system was not just adrenal fatigue, it had stopped working. And for those of you that don’t know, your adrenal system creates the baseline chemicals that the rest of your body needs to function. So it creates what your ovaries need and what your thyroid needs and, and a lot of other body functions. So as my thyroid started shutting down, so did other parts of me, so that by 2009, I was told, I wouldn’t say 2010. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy, because of the complications that were caused. And it was just it really wasn’t a good time. It really wasn’t a good time. And fortunately, like I said, I had found a very, very wise young, holistic health practitioner that helped me figure out things that I could do, to let go of perfectionism. But Go of people pleasing, let go of all those unhealthy mindsets that I had in place, which, interestingly enough, I was helping clients with, right. And that’s important for us to like note, you can be somebody that is helping somebody with the very thing that you have a problem with. That doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem, because I definitely did. But ultimately, you know, that message of you’re not going to see the next year was very powerful, and not what I wanted. And so I committed to changing whatever needed to be changed, and ultimately was just about everything.
Shannon M. 15:41
Yes, I definitely hear what you’re saying. And want to give space to, again, your survival. I told you that the first time we talked about it, but I love the fact that you’re still here and thriving. And also for the amount of pouring out that it takes for the roles that you picked up, I hear what you’re saying, you know, it’s not just a little Oh, let me do this fellow League, let me do this being on duty for any position, I don’t care what it is, as a regular sleep schedule. Okay, especially with something like that. So regular sleep is one thing on the list of things that you had to deal with in those positions. So I definitely hear what you’re saying. And, you know, stepping back into work since COVID. We’re working on what that looks like, and everybody’s life as normal. And absolutely, you know, I’ve had to be reminded of scheduling and break time, even Christine and I, you know, we love being here live at five every Wednesday at five. But wait a minute, is it actually going to be all 52 weeks? Or are we going to give ourselves a break? How we will want to give a break from a job? You know, so what are those things that we’re used to in the workforce? And when we’re, for me specifically, working on being entrepreneurs, if you can set up your schedule to look however you want it to look? What does that look like? Right? Right?
Stephanie Calahan 16:59
I mean, that that’s critically important. And it’s one thing that is, it’s just so important. Almost every client that I ever worked with, has some kind of limiting belief around their schedule, and what they have to do. And we have conversations about, well, who says you have to do that? Like, is that in an employee manual that you wrote, like, who says who says, and it’s a whole different way of thinking, when you realize that you’re the one that’s creating this. It’s a whole different level of accountability. It’s completely possible to build a life that you absolutely love. As long as you figure out how to define exactly what it is that you want, and then build systems structure and boundaries around all of it.
Christine Gautreaux 17:55
That boundaries is so key Stephanie, like we talk in Stillpoint, the book I’m a co author of about that being the fifth skill of self care, the ability to say yes, and know that so often, especially as caregivers and women, we like to say yes, like you, just as your story highlighted it right. Those were big, important things that you said yes to they were making a difference in the world. But it was to the detriment of your health and well being.
Stephanie Calahan 18:33
The reality to that is, they were doing really important things in the world. But then I was taken out, like, you know, I was, I had to quit everything, every board, every volunteer position, every room on activity. So, you know, How good did it really do the world? For me to say yes to everything, when I had an extended period of time, where it had to
Christine Gautreaux 19:00
be a No, exactly because it wasn’t sustainable. Right? That’s what we like to talk about on the show is like, what are how do we do this together? That we don’t have to do it by ourselves, right? We can have you said, sis, tell me what you said again, you said systems
Shannon M. 19:16
I built she said, Oh, go ahead. I’m sorry. She said system structure and then boundaries,
Christine Gautreaux 19:22
system structure and boundaries.
Shannon M. 19:26
Go ahead, Stephanie.
Stephanie Calahan 19:27
You know it. The the one thing that I found through so one of the things that I did, as a result of this whole rethinking was recognized that there were more professional people in the world, largely women but even then to that struggle with the exact same things and I gave myself permission to start supporting clients with that now I went and did you know all the appropriate education knowledge building before I did, but there are so many people that are working so so hard and moving so fast that they don’t even know what they want. So when you start talking about building boundaries, it’s like, well, to what? You know, in my case, I was doing things that I wanted to do, right? It wasn’t taking on stuff that I wanted to say no to. But I said yes to it was stuff I wanted to do and was excited to do. But my body said, No. And so one really important thing around that boundaries piece is getting really super clear about the life, you want to create. Not these pockets of activities that build a life, but like this overall vision of what do you want to create? Who do you want to be in that creation? You know, how do you want to impact the world? What’s the energy you want to bring into the world and into the room? And in my case, I didn’t really pay attention to that last part, right? I, I was so depleted that there was no energy to bring into the browser. Right. And if I had defined that earlier than self care would have been an obvious choice. But it wasn’t even something on my radar to think about.
Christine Gautreaux 21:13
Well, I think there’s so I mean, we’re getting better. In 2022, I want to say, but there’s still so much stigma around that, and how people are like, Oh, that’s selfish. And, and it’s like, it’s not, we’re not saying not pay attention to your community care are not, but what we are saying is, if you do not take care of yourself, and you go down, whether that’s your story of lack of and being within a year of death, right, at a very young age, we need our folks we need our women, we meet our caregivers, and our activists, and our artists and all these people that are in this category of danger, really, because they pour out so much, and entrepreneurs, you know, we’re gonna put them in there too. Because just what your story highlighted, and I know so many people that are doing that, and I don’t think I’m completely doing it. But I think I have some traits of it, right? Like, because I lead with my value and what I the life I want to create. And I do have good boundaries around that with but I take on too much. Like, I’m guilty, totally guilty of that piece.
Shannon M. 22:27
Yeah. And I mean, it’s important to know our strengths and weaknesses, right? It’s important to be it’s important to be passionate about life. And we finally think about what we want for ourselves. Like you say, Stephanie, you know, I stepped out from the cellar position the first time and realized, I forgot a lot about what I wanted for myself. And had you asked me while I was in that position, I wouldn’t have remembered what I forgot, like Neville from Harry Potter, you know, I forgot something. But I can’t seem to remember what it is. But I will also say that everything happens for a reason, right? Even though we’ve seen women work for decades, these are first, these are still the first couple of decades that women have been working. So we’re still working through what that looks like in our generation with the things that we’re dealing with. And so what I would say Stephanie’s at the time that you use on that board, and you having to step down, and now this podcast and everything you’ve done since that may save countless lives. So once you know it’ll pay off for it,
Stephanie Calahan 23:30
it’s so interesting that you say that, because when I was in the heat when I was in the fire of all this, right? I remember praying and saying, Okay, God help point me to the wisdom that I need help point me to the people that can identify problems versus pushing drugs, because I’m not, I want to know what’s really going on. And let’s fix that. And as I said, you know, I promise that if you helped me come through this, I will share my story so that I can help other people. And that’s why I do these shows, right? It’s why I had these conversations or go to local women’s groups or what have you to share the story because it’s my story is mine. But my story is also ours, right? I mean, I’m, I’m a product of the same culture, you know, hustle and drive and push. And, you know, you mentioned earlier Christine about the I wish I wouldn’t have pushed through that is me for all of my 20s and a good majority of my 30s I wish I hadn’t pushed through. But But since I did, and I had the results that I had. Now I can take that knowledge and that learning and I can help somebody else, so that they can define their life a little differently so that they don’t have to have the same struggles.
Christine Gautreaux 24:56
So Stephanie, I was raised by A football coach in Texas. So that’s just a little bit about my background. I’ve mentioned that before to readers. But you know that pushing through, like, is ingrained in me. It’s in our over culture, it’s in my family culture, it is in. And I’ve done a lot of personal work on it, like I used to, I remember, I can only take time off when I was sick. And you know, I’ve been you and I had this conversation when we did our coffee and chat, because I’ve had some of those really big health issues, right. And the past couple years, I’ve been much better at it about listening to my body, this last slip up kind of was like, Whoa, that was, you know, Shannon and I talked about last week, it was a post, it was a pre pandemic schedule, on a post pandemic body, and my body was like, new. So some of my regular markers. I didn’t, weren’t there or I didn’t catch. But all that to say, when somebody is, you know, this is what they’re used to. This is how they were raised. This is what they this is the only thing they know, like, what is the first incremental step? What is the first incremental step to our listeners who are listening? That you got to be proactive? And not? You know, don’t be like Stephanie and Christie.
Still be like, this part, right? Like, how, what would be your piece of advice or incremental step? Like how do you guide people in your clients to change that mindset, and to also start looking at it proactively instead of reactively?
Stephanie Calahan 26:43
Oh, I love that. So I have like 12 Different things floating through my head all at the same time. And I’m having to kind of sort and pick out which which one we’re going to talk about here. So first of all, I totally relate to your story. I was raised by two teachers, and I was raised in the Midwest. And for those of you who aren’t familiar with the Midwest, the Midwest has a very common value of we’re hard workers. And if you work hard enough, you’re gonna get whatever you want, but you’re a hard worker. And one of the things that I had to do was divorce hard work, I had to acknowledge that there was a thought process that I had, that had served me well had served me really well. You know, it got me through college with a couple of degrees. And it got me elevated into my corporate space very, very quickly, you know, there that that hard work mentality had been very good for me. But I had to get real, and acknowledge that it was no longer serving me. In my case, I’ve literally held divorce proceedings. It sounds really weird. But it worked for me, I needed something structured that said, this is something that worked at one time, and is no longer working. But if you’re somebody that you’re not quite to that point, maybe you haven’t recognized the habits that you have that are not healthy for you, one test that you can use in terms of boundaries and and figuring out what you should or shouldn’t say yes to, is what I call the resentment test. And so this is how it works. Hey, Sally, could you help me with the bake sale tomorrow? I’m Sally. How do I feel about that? Will I have any resentment at all? If I say yes, that’s question number one, will I have any resentment at all? If I say yes? If the answer is yes, I will have some kind of resentment, then the next part of that decision flow is the answer is no to that specific question. Now, then you go on to the next step. Is there anything that could be changed in what was proposed to me? Where I could say, Yes, so, Sally, I can’t help you with the bake sale tomorrow, but I could run a couple errands today to get you what you need. So it’s a way that you can still participate in your community, or whatever question that you have for, you know, participating in something. But it’s a way that you can participate without having resentment, that resentment, that resentment feeling that you have is a sign that your boundaries are being crossed. And a lot of times we don’t recognize, like just a natural conversation, especially if it’s something that’s important to us, or that we feel is a worthy cause. Or, you know, we’re we’re wanting to support our community or our families or wherever we’re getting the questions from coworkers, you know, clients, what have you. They could be really good things, just not good things for us. And so, they may not cross over a defined boundary, but there could be an internal boundary. And so if you just stop and you ask yourself, If I say yes to this Will I have any lingering resentment at all? And even if it’s a tiny amount of resentment? Ask yourself the next question of How could this be reframed where I won’t have resentment so that I can say yes. And then alternate offer that as an alternative.
Christine Gautreaux 30:19
I love that so much such a practical way to do that. I was recently watching Brene Brown’s Atlas of the heart special on HBO. Have you seen that yet? Stephanie, you would love it, because she speaks your language and you speak her language. She was talking about resentment is a part of envy. So that what it is about is in her example, in her book is, I’m not mad because you’re resting. I’m mad because I’m so bone tired. I want to rest. But unlike you, I’m gonna pretend that I don’t need to
Shannon M. 30:58
write. Yeah, that’s big. And what I love too about that Stephanie is let’s say, for example, vendors, right? I have Shayla glow. We go to markets, somebody asked me about, if I’m available, May 18. And I like to plan my time, before the actual day, right. So in me, I felt myself hesitate. And it used to be a thing I didn’t know what to do about. I just felt some type of way. I figured it was because of the type of personality type I was really it was me wanting to be able to budget my time and know if I can say yes or no, right. So now as a business owner, if somebody’s invited me as a vendor, and I don’t have time, it’s actually a great thing. Because now, okay, well, if I’m interested, I can say what are your next three days, you know, and I can already have my schedule planned out more, still a no is a no puts you in a great position. And now I’ve used that to my benefit as well. You know, Christine just asked me about a time for next Wednesday, we had time blocked. Of course, that’s a no brainer. And it felt great to be able to say yes, and then the next person, we were trying to do a photo shoot, oh, well, I’m actually out of town for my birthday, I guess I gotta push it. But I’m happy to be able to push it for myself, you know, so I can pour into myself and then the rest of the year we can pour into everybody else. And then when we show up, like you said, we can have more energy in the room, we can show up as more of ourselves, because we’re feeding the different parts of ourselves and not, I’m over here starving in the corner with no water, sunlight, and everybody else is taken care of and flourishing.
Stephanie Calahan 32:35
I couldn’t agree more. And I applaud you for figuring out that shift, right? Because you’re not any worse off for that shift. Right? In fact, your from a self care perspective, you’re definitely better off. And I would imagine that your business is continuing to flourish, because you’re choosing to schedule more in a more healthy way.
Shannon M. 32:59
Absolutely. And that comes from my mentor, Linda, you know, we talk about women and chronic illnesses, she stepped down from decades in corporate America, you know, had side gig started her business. And if my timeline is right, had maybe five years to herself less than five years and passed away. And I do not want to overextend myself. And after I, when it’s time to retirement, I’m gonna, I’m not, I’m retiring before, I’m 45. And I’m taking breaks every day up until then, because if I’m scheduled, so let’s talk about that too, right? If I’m scheduled for 11 hours, that’s part of two shifts, that’s part of the am shift. And in the restaurant, that’s part of the pm shift. So I’m going to take some time in both of those shifts, just like if I was AM, I will take a little time for myself, drink some water, eat something. If I’m PM, I’m gonna take some time, make sure I’m not running the guessing on E. I’m gonna do that both times, you know. And I think maybe it’s easier for me to think about because I’ve been in a management position. So I’ve been over scheduling, and I was the person and we’ll be who’s being asked for breaks. So somebody else taking a break, and I haven’t taken one. Sometimes that’s when the resentment comes in. And we should be working, we should Oh, well, let me just take my break. And then I’ll make sure that my team is taken care of, and we can continue to move forward that way.
Stephanie Calahan 34:21
And it’s so important for all of us to remember that we are all leaders of somebody, yes. And the choices that we make, directly reflect and influence the choices other people make. So in the beginning of this conversation we talked about, you know, society, right? We’re the builders of fat. Yes, we’re the builders of that. So if we can choose because it really is a choice even when it doesn’t feel like a choice. If we can choose to practice good self care how Besides good boundary habits, good eating and exercising all those good things, then we are influencing other people who are influencing other people. That’s important. That’s really important.
Christine Gautreaux 35:15
I couldn’t agree more. I think that I think that listening to our body wisdom, you know, and everybody’s body wisdom is different. You know, everybody has different rhythms of when they like to wake up and how much they sleep and, but truly getting in touch with ourselves and listening to what we need, not what we think other people, not the shoulds not the oh, you know, to be successful, you only need to sleep for hours and night. That was a trend a while back. I’m like, Y’all, it lost your mind? I’m not signing up for that one ever. But, you know, what do we truly need? And I liked that when you asked Stephanie, like, what is the life we want to create? You know, we often talk on the show about what do we value? And what’s our purpose? And and what do we want to what do we want to create out here that and that we do you have that power? Right. But it starts with checking in with ourselves. It starts with stopping and taking that deep breath in. You know, yesterday, I think it was just yesterday, I was sitting on my back deck and I was taking a meeting. It’s sort of goes with those birds are loud. But I had taken 30 minutes before the meeting just to sit and be and soak it in. Because it’s spring, and it’s gorgeous. And it was just feeding me just to sit there and listen to the birds and take a moment what did I need. And I thought I needed 10 minutes. But what I really needed was 30 minutes. So I took that 30 minutes and sat there and drink a cup of tea. And yeah, and I think sometimes that’s hard when we’re on the treadmill, you know, when we are on the treadmill, and when there is the next meeting and the email and the you know, the really, quote unquote, important things, but nothing is more important than our health.
Shannon M. 37:17
Yeah. I remember I was talking to this, one of my co workers, would they years ago when I first started management, and she said don’t base your life around a business that does not base their business around your life. And that’s really important. You know, remember to ask yourself what you need. And also because we could talk about the hours and for different people, they might think of completely different categories of things to talk about with that, right. So when I think about work, and occupational wellness, and wanting more time to be able to take time, I, I think about the seven days a week that I’ve been working. And it sounds like that’s out of balance. And of course it is right as far as what we want it to look like. But the reason I’m confident and have been comfortable working that is because I know that I’m paying off my debt, you know, so I know I want to help all these people. If I’m going to help all these people, there has to be assets in place, that my net worth is at a certain point. And it’s not going to be at a certain point if this debt is taking away from it. So pay off the debt first. Make sure you’re stable, and then go help people you know, so in order to do that my schedule looks the way that it looks right now. But I also know why before I said, I don’t even want to work know how many hours that work. And this is what I used to say out loud. And I heard myself say it I said that you said that sounds unhealthy. It sounds crazy. You know, like you should know how many hours you work and how many hours you have for yourself. But I didn’t I didn’t want to know because I knew that I would be resentful. I would be upset because I was spending the night till 730 I know I don’t want that even if I’m an entrepreneur. So now I have a certain cutoff time. You know what I hear the story I’m telling myself, I can just keep working to more another two hour block and no, it’s midnight. Go to sleep like it’s fine. It’ll be there tomorrow.
Stephanie Calahan 39:08
Well, you come up with the rules that work for you. So everybody has different body rhythms. Right and so like I am not a member of the 4am 5am Six i that is not a club I am a member of when I was in college, I worked from seven at night until seven in the morning. I am a night owl. And I acknowledge that about my body my brain fires up later in the day. And so what I’ve done is I’ve given myself permission, I don’t have any meetings that start before 10am And that’s okay. And and if I need to sleep later I can sleep later I do all of my self care practices early in the morning so that when I hit that first meeting, I am fully there. I am not you know dragging oh I need coffee or you know what whatever is, you know very common for a lot of People I am I am fully present because of how I’ve established my, my, my schedule, and I’ve established my schedule off of my body rhythms. And I have a lot of clients will do those bills, well meaning family members that when I first redefined my business that are like 70, you can’t do that, like, I can do anything I want me or my, my business is mine. And it’s, it really is true. So if you happen to be watching or listening, and you’re like, well, that’s great for her, but I can’t do it, or I don’t see how that was me. When when I had to quit everything, I bawled, I mean, ugly tears. With every single phone call I made, I was crying, I thought I was losing part of my identity, because I was a workaholic. So I kind of was losing part of my identity, just not a healthy part. But in in redefining, and in slowing down. And in getting super clear on what was really important, like, truly soul level important. My business tripled. And my clients get exponentially better results. And I’m not hustling. And with every single client that I’ve worked with, we’ve found that there is a way to create their schedule. You know, I don’t create many knees. I work with people to help them figure out their their perfect, right. And so it’s different with every single client, looking at what their values are looking at what they want to create, and like, look at what looking at what their important visions are, you know, some have these just amazing ways that they’re going to contribute, contribute to the world. And they’ve got to get the first steps figured out, right? They’ve got to get this this balance figured out. I agree with with what you were saying earlier about, there’s no such thing as balance.
Christine Gautreaux 42:06
Yeah, I had a teacher once tell me it’s just the journey towards it. And it’s an illusion. And I was on a retreat, I was leading a retreat one time. And we were taking a hike through the woods. And I still have this picture somewhere. And I jumped up on this stump Stephanie, I think Shannon, I think I’ve told you this story before I jumped upon this stuff. And I’d done this one pose. So it like looked really cool. And somebody snapped the picture. Right? When I was balanced. I mean, it lasted literally a second, like I mean, that’s just the truth. It’s a good, that’s why I always tell the story around this because it’s the truth, you’re striving for balance, and then like some knocks you off, or the wind blows or the world happens. And it is more like the life work Jenga that Stacey Abrams talks about, you know, I
Stephanie Calahan 42:53
talk a lot about living with intention. Because if you choose your activities with intention, versus by default, just just by choosing with intention, you’ve already started to create a better life for yourself. And so part of that creating life with intention is getting super clear on what your non negotiables are, and what your flex activities are. So when you think about those different things in your life that you say yes to, there are going to be things that you’re like, and I would encourage you sit down with a pad of paper and a pen and just start writing. Here’s the way that I spend my time right now. And then say, Okay, what things should I be doing what’s not on this list, right? And then go back a third time and go, What are those things that are non negotiable in order for me to create the life that I really want. Because once you define what those non negotiables are, then it makes it really easy to start slotting things into your calendar. When when I first restructured everything in my business, I said self care is really important. And then my calendar just got filled with all kinds of stuff. I have a you know, an auto scaling scheduler that a lot of people have. So clients and prospects and other people get this link and they can add stuff to my calendar. And I remember a specific day where I was going from at the time, I didn’t have my 10am role. I was going from eight in the morning until nine at night and I had no room for bathroom breaks and I had no room for lunch. Like okay, this automated schedule is great, but it’s not great. And one of the things I did very simply was I scheduled in myself, I on my calendar, I color code my calendar, that’s how I can visualize that I’m balanced in the way I want. And so self care is is a purplish bluish color, similar to my walls. And so I can do a week view or a month view because of my color coding and that’s how I stay accountable to myself to see am I do mean the right you know, am I having a good balance of self care? Am I having a good balance of client time? Have I have a good time, I’m gonna have a good balance of, you know, family care and my spiritual life and business development stuff. And it’s a really easy way for me to see in a visual way. Am I doing what I say? I’m supposed to do. And it’s a way that I can keep accountable to myself.
Christine Gautreaux 45:25
I love that. Yeah, I knew. So I knew Shannon, when Stephanie said system structures and boundaries, like you were like I’m in for the long haul. I have a quick question because I know we’re going towards wrap up. But Stephanie, we like to ask almost all our guests like, what is a self care practice or a wellness practice that is non negotiable for you, like what is something that is a part of your routine and rhythm that helps you sustain?
Stephanie Calahan 45:57
I actually have three that are non negotiable every day. I start the day before I ever get out of bed with meditation, prayer and visualization, I lump that all into one that wasn’t my break. But it’s time again to set intention to get really clear to get grounded. So that what the minute I get out of bed, I’m on a good foot, good footing for my day. The second one that’s non negotiable, for me is water. I drink half my body weight in ounces of clean, healthy water every day. And that was something that helped save my life. So when my health coach told me to do that, originally, I thought he was trying to drown me, quite literally, I was not a water drinker. But I’ve been I’ve learned how to consume that kind of water and the amount of focus and energy that just simple water can bring to you if you’re foggy, think if you’re having problems with foggy thinking you might be dehydrated, you know, it might not be that you need more caffeine it might need you need to go go get some water. And then the third thing that’s a non negotiable for me is what I call energetic hygiene. And so at night, you know, you, you wash your face, you brush your teeth, you do all your physical hygiene stuff, but then I do what I call energetic hygiene. And that’s where I mentally look over the day, and identify anything that caused me stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, anything that I don’t want to take with me into the next day. And I process that I may do forgiveness work, I may do some EFT tapping to work through something, I have a lot of different tools that I use. But I make sure that before I lay down at night, that I have cleared away anything that just needs to stay in that day and not go with me to the next day. And that practice was life transforming for me, my sleep got better, my energy got better. When I woke up in the morning, I wasn’t you know, mentally carrying a bunch of gunk, which made it easier for me to be doing those morning practices and be grounded and move forward. So those are three of my non negotiables that I have to have in every day.
Christine Gautreaux 48:18
Cool. Thank you for sharing. Those are awesome. You’re welcome. Shannon, you got a question or some comments?
Shannon M. 48:28
Oh, there’s so much more I want to talk about occupational wellness is so important. Especially when we’re talking about overextending ourselves and having a system in place. But I don’t think I have a question, especially since we’re at our wisdom in action. And I’m interested to hear what you ladies are working on this week. But what I will say is the system, the structure in the boundaries, I know we brought that up a couple of times, but it’s so important. Again, we talk about me being practical business systems. That’s great. You know, for me, that’s knowing what to do. Is there a standard operating procedure that’s going to tell me what to do? Now the structure? are we supporting what we said we were going to do? You know, that could be the actions, network marketing, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t doing what I needed to do, I found out when no money was coming to my account, where is the money? Where’s the money? Oh, I haven’t done any of this stuff. None of this stuff is crossed out. So the structure for what we say we want and then our boundaries to make sure that we’re operating in a healthy place, whether that’s with ourselves or with the people around us. I love that, you know, and I think that when we work on that, that’ll help create some healthier foundations for occupational wellness so we can feel, you know, like we’re doing what we want to do and being contributing partners and everything else but also taking care of ourselves.
Stephanie Calahan 49:53
Well, and you know, talking on that point, um, I have two blog posts on my site that could be helpful anyway. addition to this that I could share for your shyness, please. Um, I have an article on when we talked about boundaries and resentment and saying no, I have an article that I call the nice ways to say no. Beautiful, it goes through a bunch of different scenarios that you might consider on how you can say no, because a lot of us want to be nice people. You know, a lot of us don’t want to be the bad guy. And yet sometimes saying no, is the best thing you can do even for the person that’s asking you about something. Yeah. So I’ll I’ll share that article that you can put in the show notes. And then the other thing, that, gosh, could be a show all and of itself, that we don’t have time for today. But I was I was thinking as we were talking about this drive to do more. And frequently, that is tied to a mindset called imposter syndrome. And impostor syndrome, just in really short form is us feeling like we’re not enough in some way, shape, or form. And the article that I can share for our listeners on that is an article that goes through number one, what impostor syndrome is, as well as a self evaluation with a bunch of do you do this? Do you do that, to help you identify if impostor syndrome might be something that’s keeping you from establishing those self care practices are those boundary practices that you have in place, because like I said before, if you’ve got these things going on in your subconscious, you may not have a direct idea of what to do to get yourself accountable to building the life you want to live. So and that article also shares a number of very famous people, including Albert Einstein, that had impostor syndrome. So you can see that you’re not alone. So I can share those for the show notes, kind of additional information that can help with this conversation.
Christine Gautreaux 51:52
That would be awesome. And also, folks can find you on your website, and Stephanie callahan.com, we will put that in the show notes. And then we’ll put in all your social media so folks can follow you, because that’s how I found you. Use Instagram. That’s how you and I connected. And Stephanie has great posts out there, y’all. And we’re just so delighted that you came today. So Stephanie, we close this conversation, go ahead.
Shannon M. 52:21
That’s what I was about to ask. So we close the conversation with wisdom and action and what we’re all doing this week in this specific category. So for your occupational wellness, what is your hashtag for what you’re working on this week?
Christine Gautreaux 52:35
Oh, for my
Stephanie Calahan 52:36
occupational wellness, my hashtag is actually focus on sleep. So I have had some challenges with our canine friend that is sleeping on the floor, right to my right. He has been waking me up a lot during the night. So my sleep is not correct. And so I have finally gotten him. So we figured out why. And we’ve gotten him squared. Now he’s sleeping through the night. But I’ve kind of built these habits of not being asleep. So my focus and action for every every aspect of me this week, is to get my sleep straight.
Shannon M. 53:17
Loving. Yes, I will go next, Christine mine is to be off, hashtag be off, because we’re not supposed to be working and you know how to is you’re supposed to be off. And you’re thinking about something in your mind is no, be present where you are with the palm trees and celebrating. And you already have a plan to take care of that when it’s time to do that. And, you know, I like to do multiple. So I also say hashtag say no, because we’ve been talking about that. And I had a professor, thankfully shout out to Professor Donovan Shane, and you never say no. You need to say no, sometimes. And that’s a conversation. I’m getting ready for keeping some boundaries and saying no, this is actually what we’re gonna do. So yes, Mike, what about you, Christine?
Christine Gautreaux 54:06
Oh, I am pulling one from Stephanie that she said earlier, hashtag divorce hard work. I’m going to be traveling this weekend to see my family in Texas. And so you know, it’s always easy to slip into old patterns of behavior. And my dad is a farmer, and he you know, there’s always work to be done. And so I’m gonna hashtag divorce hard work, even in the midst of those family dynamics. So, yes, yeah, I think that’s, I think it’s a good time for me to do that. And, yes, yeah, it’s one of those, you know, we didn’t talk about this and, Stephanie, we’re gonna have to have you back sometime. Because I know we have so much more to talk about this. I’d love to I think about these issues like I’ve I’ve done a lot of work on these issues right over the years, and they’re kind of like a spiral that If you do work on them, and then you’ll circle back around, and all of a sudden they’re back in your face, you’re like, Whoa, where’d that come from? I thought we cleared that, or I thought I did that work and, and sometimes it’s the age we are the stage we are or who were around and other people. And absolutely, so I think about that, as I’m about prepping for this trip. It’s like, yeah, I’ve done some of this. And I slipped into some old patterns of behavior. So check in ourselves, and that, I think I’m going to add one, two hours, I’m going to, I’m going to copy your lead Shannon, hashtag be intentional. Because I love that I love living my way, my life intentionally. And thank you for that reminder stuff. You know, when we start with intention, we’ve already made a difference. So thank you so much for being here in this conversation, we are grateful for you. And yes, we will put all your connection information in the show notes so our listeners can can connect with you and reach out. And we’re just so grateful for your work in the world. And for you sharing your wisdom with us.
Stephanie Calahan 56:05
Thank you for having me on.
Christine Gautreaux 56:06
Thank you. Absolutely. So awesome, right? Yeah, I feel like we could have two or three shows with Stephanie Kelly. And she just keep bringing us back. Right? We didn’t confess to our listeners or to Stephanie, while she was on. I remember our coffee and chat with her. And you and I were in such a busy frame that day. And we were like to do it. And it’s a miracle Stephanie came on, because I’m sure she was like, Oh, what is happening?
Shannon M. 56:39
I don’t think so I think we do a great job, you know, and if we weren’t, clearly she made it on the show, our practical business systems are working. And that’s why you have to write. But I also think that women are good at it, we know that we all handle a lot. So sometimes it might pass by how much somebody has on their plate, or that they might need to slow down or things like that. And so that’s usually why when I check in with people I ask, you know, how much water have you had? How have you been sleep Bay, those are the first two I usually go to.
Christine Gautreaux 57:11
Well, and when we have our manifesting calls on Monday, we have our Monday manifesting mastermind that we do y’all we literally check in with each other as far as our sleep and our and and we have been together for a couple of years now. So we also are accountability buddies for each other on this. We put down our work goals, but we put down our self care goals too. Because we it’s harder sometimes to hold each other accountable for those self care goals. But it is also you don’t have to do it by yourself. Get a buddy. Yeah, sure power.
Shannon M. 57:44
And this what you said last week to Christine that we don’t we forget to schedule the things that we just naturally do cleaning the bathroom that let’s say 30 minutes, let’s say 15 minutes on a little wipe down. You know, it depends on how big your bathroom is what you’re doing. What about cooking and prepping? All that stuff has to be accounted for for the 168 hours. So, intentionality. I like that hashtag. Right? Yes.
Christine Gautreaux 58:10
Well, my friend, I am so grateful as always to have these conversations with you and to be in community with you. And I know we could say so much more but we’re a little out of time. So
Shannon M. 58:21
maybe we’ll start a podcast or something. have somewhere to put all these words. We should write a book or something. Okay, ladies, we will see you next week Live at Five. Thank you so much for joining us as we talked about occupational wellness. In the meantime, don’t forget, be well be wise, and be whole. We’ll see you next week. See you soon.
Unknown Speaker 58:53
Thanks for listening. This has been the women connected and wisdom podcast on air live on Wednesdays at 5 pm. Eastern via Facebook and YouTube. Be sure to like share and subscribe be part of the conversation and get connected at women connected in wisdom.com.
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