Show notes –
Join Shannon and Christine as they chat about Environmental Wellness and what that looks like during the holidays. This chat includes specific techniques you can use when feeling overwhelmed and how to bring ourselves back towards center while we juggle ALL the things.
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https://namica.org/blog/handling-stress-during-the-holiday-season/
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Show Transcript –
NOTE: While it’s not perfect, we offer this transcription by Otter.ai for those who are hearing impaired or who don’t find listening to a podcast enjoyable or possible.
Shannon M. 0:08
Let’s do this. Okay, ladies, welcome to our podcast. I am Shannon Mitchell, a black female, millennial entrepreneur, the founder of shallow glow, a handmade shea butter company. I am a champion for your self care, business care and intentional wellness.
Christine G. she/hers 0:25
And I am Christine Gautreaux, a white social justice advocate, an international speaker, coach and published author who helps you upgrade yourself in community care.
Shannon M. 0:35
Yes. And together, we are women connected in wisdom, a podcast grounded in the eight dimensions of wellness. Welcome, welcome to our show. And we
Christine G. she/hers 0:44
like to get together every week to have intentional conversations about how to be wise in business relationships and wellness. Right? Yes. Because we know figuring this stuff out by ourselves is not much fun figuring it out together.
Shannon M. 1:01
You know, and I’m all about being effective with time. So if you could help me fast forward 10 years, then why not do that instead of figure everything out for the first time by myself?
Christine G. she/hers 1:13
I like it. Yeah. Well, today we’re talking about environmental wellness. Yes, yes, we give our listeners a definition. Absolutely. We’re
Shannon M. 1:23
going with environmental wellness of having good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well being. It promotes interaction with nature, and also creating an enjoyable personal environment, both in and out of your workplace.
Unknown Speaker 1:42
Would you read that first sentence again?
Shannon M. 1:44
Yes, environmental wellness, is having a good is having good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well being.
Christine G. she/hers 1:58
When you read it today, it just the question that bubbled up for me is, what does that mean for people? Because you know, we’re all individuals, we all come from different backgrounds and different places and different ages and different stages and different races. And so what does out? Well, let me just ask you, my friend. Yeah. What is a pleasant and stimulating environment for you?
Shannon M. 2:23
So for me, I’ll give you in work and out of work, since it talks about both right in the workplace, stimulating and pleasant means open communication. We can have constructive conversations as a team, right? Hey, Christine, this is how I felt like what you said came off as to the team, right? And you take that and we move forward together. But it’s not being petty or overly political in the way that unhealthy environments because that’s what unhealthy environments are, for me personally, right. So open communication, I would say. Development also, we say stimulating, so not just pleasant. It’s not just the niceties. It’s also, hey, this is what you need to develop. So you get to the next level. And we’re we’re trying to go for what the team needs. And it’s the same thing at home, you know, home, I would like it to be more relaxing than I expect it to be at work. And at home, I still like open communication and transparency so we can deal with situations and continue to move forward together. And I love it to smell good and good food. Like we talked about laughing and dancing to make sure that we’re incorporating those things, and to all of the other situations that we deal with with life. What about you?
Christine G. she/hers 3:40
I love that. Well, I was thinking about that, because you know, I am not a minimalist. Like, you know, the first thing that sometimes pops into my mind is like those magazine covers where everything’s clean and perfect, right? Like, yeah, I do really well in those environments. But that’s not the reality of my life. I live with a bunch of artists and and we’re not mentalist. I mean, we’ve tried and every time I move, I want to become a minimalist. You know, you ever had that feeling? Like, you’re like why can’t but but I do like clean surfaces. I had a dear friend that was about 10 years older than me when I was pretty young. Say if the whole place can’t be clean, clear your countertops in your surfaces. So like that is always soothing to me. And I want to make it to a place that everything has its place. And you know our guests last two shows ago, Melody LeBaron. She’s a genius at that. And I’m striving towards that but I have not I have not met that goal in 50 plus years. So we’ll see, you know, second half of the life it might work.
Shannon M. 4:52
Okay, make it to WISEWOMAN now
Christine G. she/hers 4:56
we’re connected to it the I think the stimulating I mean, with somebody that identifies as neuro diverse in with ADD, like my brain is always stimulated. So there’s like ways that are really, like sometimes I love music on and sometimes I just can’t. It’s too much right. It kind of I guess part of the answer to that question is, it depends on the day, right? Like I love good smells when you said good smells. Oh yeah, like if I can have good smells all the time. I really love that now. You know, it depends on what mood I’m in what smells good that day. Is it like the pumpkin spice candle that I’ve been burning? Or is it the smell of Lysol because somebody else cleaned the bathroom and it wasn’t
Shannon M. 5:55
necessary shoe and that’s the pleasant right here. It’s
Unknown Speaker 6:03
cracked open the Lysol besides me like that is, yes, that smell right there.
Shannon M. 6:11
That’s what I’m missing. It’s been too long.
Christine G. she/hers 6:15
Just makes you and then. But you know that moments. I don’t know if we’ve talked about on the show. Because it is it is a moment I recreate my brain, often, less often in reality than in my brain. But that moment when the house is clean, and you have that fresh smell. And I always go get a cup of tea, and I sit on the couch. And like where I look, things are in their place. The smell is there. I often put on some like acoustical guitar music, and drink a cup of tea.
Shannon M. 6:53
I like writing about tea. And I’d like sitting in the reset of your home and enjoying the space. I think I’m going to use that because I usually am sorry, I feel like I cut you off. Know when I say you asked me if I make my bed other day last week, right? That’s it every day. But I usually make it and then leave. And so the thing the spaces that I clean up are usually the reset the space but then I leave and don’t get to enjoy it. Next time I think up again. And so I like the idea of sitting in it and enjoying it for a second because
Christine G. she/hers 7:31
savoring right savoring it because I think especially as women, we’re so busy that like our to do like I could pull up my task list right now. And it’s way longer than any person tells you. It’s supposed to be I think we’re supposed to have realistically, three to five things on our task list. Right? Okay. You know, we’re going, going going, and sometimes we don’t save her. Like, we don’t take a moment to pause, you know, we talked about that. But I can’t remember if we talked about that online or on the air or off we were talking about do we make our beds, right? Because right before the show last week, I had run into my bedroom for something which is unusual at this time of day. And my bed just looks like this beautiful present and package. Because it was made. And it was all the way made. Like, you know, there’s there’s made, and then there’s all the way me, right? And Jill, my sweetheart that day had been the last one out of bed and he put the fancy pillows on it and everything. I was like, Oh, look at that present of my bed. Right? And I just think about, I mean going with that theme of present, it’s a gift to ourselves, right? But everybody has a different what’s a different gift that we can give ourselves during this season. And you and I were talking before the show talking about environmental wellness, and all of it ties in all our eight dimensions of wellness, and in talking about maintaining our environment and our mental health during the holiday season. And I mean, let’s face it still during a pandemic, you know, we’ve got this next variant coming out and who knows, you know, who knows what’s happening at the end of this year and towards next year, but I was noodling around looking for resources. And I came across a blog at the NAMI, California, which Nami for folks who have not heard of them. I’ve been associated with this organization for years. I used to be a presenter for them way back in the day, but they are the National Alliance on Mental Illness. And this they wrote an article out in California that talks about stress during the holidays, specifically. Now this was interesting, Shannon, this study showed that 64% of people with mental illness reported that holidays make their conditions worse. That makes total sense To me, again, whether you identify with the middle on this or not like holidays are stressful, right? It says for most for many people, the holiday season is not always the most wonderful time of the year said Nami Medical Director, Ken Duckworth. And this was in an interview before the pandemic, when you think about it, like a lot of people who identify with mental illness or identify as having a mental illness have a lot of trauma in their lives, too. And then for people who are undiagnosed or have it don’t, you know, it’s a lot.
Shannon M. 10:38
And outside of just the expectations, right, if we know, right, when 70% of America was living, from check to check, and that means they didn’t have a lot of free time to give to extra stuff. And during the holidays, you’re expected to be there a lot of time. So it takes up that time for yourself to write
Christine G. she/hers 10:57
well, or you see all those commercials on TV that, you know, oh, you should have this or you should have that, or all the cool kids have this or, you know, if you really loved your family, you buy them this? Yeah, it’s a lot of expectations and a lot of pressure. In this article talking about that, I want to I want to I want to skip down a little bit because there was a, I know we’re going to go back and forth and go through this article. But talking about that, I want to jump right down to the bullet point that says Be realistic, because this cracks me up. And it was so like, on point with what we’re talking about today. It said even pre pandemic, the happy lives of people shown in those holiday commercials are fictional. We all have struggles one time at one time or another and it’s not realistic to expect otherwise. Sometimes it’s simply not possible to find the perfect gift or have a peaceful time with family. Yes, even zoom family gatherings can be stressful. Especially when for me like their torture because I teach people how to do things in zoom in my private consulting. And Lord, mute yourself family and love you but mute yourself because otherwise, I want to mute you all. You want to talk more about this article?
Shannon M. 12:23
Oh, so when we talk about being realistic, I, especially with the new Shilo product, so a new position. We’re doing amazing stuff, women connect in wisdom, I really had to be realistic with my with my to do list and that’s what a planner and everything that we talk about all the time that helps me with not that are always get everything done. But again, I could say you know what, these two goals that I thought were were gonna happen two weeks ago, we’re still in the same month. So let’s get it done this week. And we just move stuff when it needs to happen. Or, again, push back deadlines, do whatever we need to do to still reach that goal. The timeline might be different, but it still gets in the destination is the important part. And I’ve been moving stuff based on how much rest I need, you know, prioritizing, taking care of yourself with the over thinking
Christine G. she/hers 13:16
just was can we just pause and give you a hand and everybody that’s listening a hand that prioritizes rest? Yeah, because you know, our culture often prioritizes the, or glorifies the lack of rest, or the push, push, push. So thank you for taking care of yourself my friend.
Shannon M. 13:35
Yes, of course, of course. And we have to be realistic. And what my body says is, hey, if you increase over here, something needs to decrease. So we also need to increase the stretching, you know, decrease the running since you’re walking 10 times as much as you used to, and increase the ABS and the stretching, you know, so just going with the flow of situations and being realistic with where you are with everything helps.
Christine G. she/hers 13:59
You know, my new puppy Monty is teaching me a lot about this Shannon, because, you know, we take walks, right? So like yesterday, we talked, we took a walk in the park, and he was fine until a little after mile two and he’s like, Alright, we’re done. I’m gonna lay down here I’m not gonna move. I’m gonna like I’m done right. And then the we did it later in the day yesterday, so I didn’t give enough rest time. So this morning, like when there was a break in the rain. I am out there. It was pretty early morning. And he’s all like You’re kidding me. Right? Like we just did this like so he only went about a half a mile before he said
Shannon M. 14:44
hey, how far she’s trying to go.
Christine G. she/hers 14:48
She’s pushing me people. She’s pushing me. So there was a little more caring than usual. But yeah, it is. It is that paying attention to our bodies. And what do we need? And being realistic? I heard you say that because I wrote I was working on a spreadsheet this week for my business. That here’s what I put on it. You’ll, you’ll love this. It’s a task. How much time I think it takes how much time it actually takes. In actual
Shannon M. 15:19
column I like to take care of your time management.
Christine G. she/hers 15:26
Yeah, right. Working on it as I look towards 2022. And you know how many clients I want to accept? And how many? You know, we are. We’re on episode. What Episode Are we on today? 47? Oh, yes, I
Shannon M. 15:42
believe we are 47. I was. We were questioning it last week.
Christine G. she/hers 15:46
And we’re gonna hit our one year anniversary, at the very beginning of 2022 is shout out to all our listeners gratitude for everybody that’s out there subscribing and downloading and liking and leaving us comments. We appreciate you. But you know, that’s a lot of podcasts. We’re gonna hit 50 on our year anniversary. So it’s exciting. And yeah, it’s it’s pretty cool. So yeah. Alright, let’s talk about this article a little more, because I think there’s some very practical tips for folks, for our listeners out here. I like this one, it said except your needs. Some of us. Be kind to yourself. This makes me think about our guest, Dr. Cynthia Phelps, who does the inner ally work right? Put your own mental and physical well being first. For caregivers, that’s a hard one. Put your own mental and physical well being First, recognize what your triggers are to help you prepare for stressful situations is shopping for holiday gifts too stressful for you? What is making you feel physically and mentally agitated? Once you know this, you can take steps to avoid or cope with stress. So that body wisdom that we talked about an interplay that I talked about with my clients that really checking in with ourselves and knowing what is it?
Shannon M. 17:13
Yes. No way we’re gonna say I was
Christine G. she/hers 17:18
just thinking like, I’ve never considered myself a huge shopper. Like there’s even before a pre pandemic I didn’t like like the hustle and bustle. Like I like to think about it. Like, I love online shopping. Like I I love like going to Etsy and buying really cool individualized products. Like, there’s something about being intentional with it, right? Occasionally, I would before a pre pandemic, I like to dress up and go in the hustle and bustle and not a lot. Because more often I would get like, meltdown. You know, you’re getting the thing on the MCAT because I can’t think straight. What about you like around the holidays and holidays? So
Shannon M. 18:01
I was not for the trampling Stampy? No, we’re for it, you know, so I usually did go out on Black Friday. And we talked about financial wellness, I would you know, you get excited you see something that you might be interested in, you see that a good price. And I had to remember, it’s not a sale that matters if you don’t have the money anyways. So even if it’s half off for it’s not really a sale, you still shouldn’t buy it if you’re being financially wise. And so, I’ve always enjoyed shopping. Now being more financially wise, I’m able to take advantage of the deals and do it more than I used to. So for me, really, I was crocheting around this time of year, which was really soothing for me, I love you know, people always compare it to Grandma’s but I’ve been crocheting for the past 20 years. Okay. And it has definitely helped me with the stress. And ironically, it has always coincided with the holidays. I’m usually not crocheting over my bathing suit by the pool is usually when it’s getting warmer, and we’re giving pads and blankets.
Christine G. she/hers 19:07
That and love that I forgot that we talked about that last year with your kids usually, yeah. I love that. I don’t know if you know that Alex, my oldest she crochets. And she makes these really cute little animals and key chains and little like she I keep trying to convince her to make an Etsy store but she’s all like, Mom, no, that’s too stressful. I just like to do it for my friends and family, which is a good boundary. Right? Like she’s very aware, like, No, I don’t want to. I don’t want to commercialize that. Yeah, so accepting our needs well and checking in with ourselves.
Shannon M. 19:46
And that’s what I was about to say to accept your needs, you have to know what they are. And when I stepped down from my first salary position out, I realized that I had forgotten a lot of the things that I wanted for myself, or that I needed in certain moments to take care of certain things, because now again, my financial situation was changing. And so I had to recalibrate everything all over again. So I think it’s the constant checking in what is your need today? Like you said, sometimes I’m going to still smell pumpkin spice. Sometimes I’m better smell the lifestyle. You know, you wouldn’t think that it would be that, but that’s the reality of the situation and how they, they trigger us. And I think that’s another huge thing that shouldn’t be minimized from this point is knowing your triggers, like you know, your allergies. People know they’re allergic to shellfish. But you didn’t realize that every time somebody makes a joke, Apostle supermini, you think about your partner cheating on you, it triggers you. And now you’re right, that person and a certain energy with that energy is that for them, so because you’re having a mental allergic reaction to something somebody else said, you know, so really being in tune with yourself, knowing what your needs are, and then knowing how to how to take care of yourself. So the triggers don’t push you as easily because people are going to do what they do, especially the holidays.
Christine G. she/hers 21:09
Right? Especially around family, because family knows us better than anybody, and they sometimes tease but that can be really hurtful, or, or trigger, you know, yeah. Yeah. So I, you know, in my private coaching, sometimes I come across clients who asked me, Christine, I don’t even know what my body wants her needs, like, how do you do that. So I just want to give a tip to our listeners out there, like one of the first things is to just take a deep breath, like and fully feel your breath, coming in and out of your body, right? It’s so simple. But it’s also like, we’re so busy doing we often don’t, don’t even think about that, right. And then like finding some time to just sit and breathe and check in with your body. And like, I kind of do a body scan. Now, I love to do this. I just did it. This morning, I was leading a pop ups class, my colleague, Carolyn Renee, who has been on the show before she was first season. And she’s been doing these pop up classes, and I’ve been leading for her on Wednesday mornings. And we were we do we always do some movement. And we do movement to a really fun piece of music, and then we stop. And we just kind of do a body scan. And we check in with what really feels good in our bodies at that moment. And we just take a moment to breathe into that place of wellness. And then we take a moment and we do a scan to what doesn’t feel good, like what’s crunchy, or what’s talking to us. Because the other thing I know to be true, especially for women, and especially for caretakers, we often ignore our pain in our bodies, because we don’t have time for it. So acknowledging it and making sure it’s not serious, too, right. So I have them scan and I have them scan for places that may need extra support that day. And then we just breathe between that place of wellness. And between the place of that that needs extra support. Cuz sometimes that’s the naming of it. Go ahead.
Shannon M. 23:24
Yes, yes, no. And I think it’s very important to name which area it is, and then you’ll know what to do to remedy or to prevent it if you can’t, or address it, if that’s what needs to happen. And I love what you said, we often ignore it because we don’t have the time to address it. Right, that makes sense. And I love what you said about the balance. Because a lot of times, I would say when I tell people about rubbing shame logo on your joints every night because it helps them arthritis like I do, or when you’re massaging yourself. I’ve run into stuff like it’s really crazy how coordinated and clumsy I am at the same time. But I’ll notice bruises or you know, something that’s good. And it’s like, how did I get, but hadn’t thought about tapping into the place that feels good breathing, and I think he said it before breathing in between the wellness and the discomfort.
Christine G. she/hers 24:20
Right. Yeah. Yeah, so just taking that moment. And then I also if I’m in a stressful situation, and I get triggered by a family member or you know, something that has happened or often getting put back in a role that no longer fits me, you know, because that happens sometimes when we go home with families is they still see us as that 14 year old or that 16 year old and so we get you know, oh they’ll be fine with that. Yeah, no, I’m not like I outgrew that 10 years ago 20 years ago. So when something like that happens, even that taking a moment like to go into The bathroom and breathe or step outside, you know, I think, on this list, we lost Shannon for some technical so she’ll be right back, hopefully. But you know, it talks about in this article, it also talks about spending time in nature. That study show that time in nature reduces stress. And that if you need a break from the family during the holiday gathering, you can take a walk in a local park, you could go just outside but if you need to go to the park, you know, that’s a good thing.
Shannon M. 25:35
I like that makes me want to just schedule a park visit around the holidays. And when when you have company in town, make sure outside time or time that could help people decompress as part of it.
Christine G. she/hers 25:48
Yeah. We’ve got a comment from one of our listeners, Ruth that I didn’t completely understand. So I don’t know what v o Why do you know what that stands for? Why, okay, you might have to spell that out for truth, because I don’t know that acronym.
Shannon M. 26:08
I know what it is in Spanish. I don’t know what it is. That’s an acronym.
Christine G. she/hers 26:11
Right? Well, it could be it could me no worries. Alright, I’m glad you made it back real quick.
Shannon M. 26:19
Scam, likely stop calling my phone.
Christine G. she/hers 26:22
Right? It just kicked you off. Yeah. Well, we talked about, I think we mentioned this last week. But I want to, I want to bring it back up. Because I think it is something that a lot of us practice. But it’s easy to get out of practice during this time of the year. And write a gratitude list. And the offer thinks that as we near the end of the year, it’s a good time to reflect back on what you’re grateful for. And then thank those who have supported you. 2020 2021. All you know, the last two years have been especially challenging for a lot of people. And in the midst of it all. Is there someone or something for whom you’re grateful? Right, right.
Shannon M. 27:03
Absolutely. Absolutely. And, again, if you listen to the show all the time, you know that that’s something that I’m watching myself as a trigger, am I getting off of or not as a trigger, but as the evidence of maybe something triggered me me getting off schedule for the self care, right, me not doing my gratitude list. And so I did started back, and I can You can definitely tell the difference in those days and just feels like, again, things move you a little bit easier. The way that’s a little bit heavier, you’re ruminating and going through the situation a little more often than you would if you were more before when I am more reflected by the amazing things. I have no control over, but I get to enjoy every day.
Christine G. she/hers 27:49
Right? Well, in interplay, we call it affirmation, the looking for the good. It is not ignoring that there’s bad out there. I mean, we know there’s bad out there there’s racism there sexism, there’s all kinds of isms. There’s all kinds of things that are out in the world, right. I don’t know if I like that. You said that. Right. White right with me right now.
Shannon M. 28:10
But you know, I love you.
Christine G. she/hers 28:18
I know. But, you know, there’s all that but the affirming and the looking for the good. The what is working, you know, what is? I was thinking this morning, I was so grateful for this warm pair of socks I had because it’s got chilly in Georgia, those of us who are listening to us from up north, you’re laugh at us because you know, it gets close to freezing and we’re cold. But um, you know, that’s on my gratitude list right now, because I have this warm, fuzzy pair of socks and and I’m grateful for Motospeed warm, you know, if it doesn’t have to be like big things it can be to me sometimes the little things are even more precious.
Shannon M. 29:02
Absolutely. And I mean, we talked about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He says that if you don’t have those things at the bottom, you can even worry about love and belonging in your community and other people and self actualization, knowing your habits and knowing what your needs are. If you’re outside and it’s cold and you don’t have socks, you don’t have a coat. Today, I had to change my outfit. Go on to the farmers market. I had something on my coat, change the outfit look great, you know, color scheme, I’ve been thinking about throwing the soap to make me warmer. And those are two things that one of our homeless community in Decatur asked for last year, I saw I used to have this one man stop and talk to him. What she wanted last winter was some socks and a coat. And both of those things, you know, so I’m grateful.
Christine G. she/hers 29:50
Right? Yeah, on the list later down and talks about volunteering and I know both you and I do that and I’m grateful for you even saying that Shannon like I know you Better coat and SOG. So thank you,
Shannon M. 30:02
like I didn’t get it for but I did ask for her and held space for because I was in the position financially. And that’s also smart as women, sometimes we continue to overextend ourselves, and that’s what puts us in financial positions. So usually, absolutely, I would be that person. Last year, like a lot of people were talking transparency. So yeah, help each other get better, you know. Now that I’m more financially literate, I know I probably shouldn’t give it to you. But I want to I still cared about her. I was still gonna give her make sure she felt seen and asked her what she needed. So I got hold
Christine G. she/hers 30:40
space for Yeah, that’s awesome. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And also we can get if we don’t have it ourselves, we can get people connected to resources. Because, you know, I’ve been in that situation before where I couldn’t at that moment, do it. But I had access to a computer where I could look up somebody that could, you know, I mean, that’s, there’s just there’s different ways, right? Different ways to engage and be connected. I love that. Absolutely. What’s on your gratitude list this morning? Oh,
Shannon M. 31:11
my gratitude list. Let me see what did I say? Because I tried to change it. That’s the rules. And I write the same thing over and over again. So let me see if I can remember without getting a journal.
I don’t know if it was on the list this morning. But I know it has been recently a weekend and we could talk about it having a better relationship with my body and being more in tune with it. Like we said, I used to not always think about why certain things like acne were happening and just worried about it after it happened. And the repercussions instead of being preventative. So now I’ll be weeks out of something and say, Hey, what’s that A was that or I’ll feel that my legs are getting sore as it’s happening. So I’ll go ahead and stretch before days out. And now I’m in a position you know, so that’s something that I’ve been grateful for, as a young woman as getting older and paying attention to the different things in my body. I’m definitely glad that we have me and her me and you know, me and my body have a great relationship. And I try to give more space for that. Instead of I got to go to the bank, I need to go to the market, I need to go to work and never checking in with my body. I was watching this episode of read table talk. They were talking about vaginal health. And they said if your vagina could tell him how happy he was, she’d be well taken care of this sheet. And so had Think about that for my body. That’s a great question. What would my body say? Right? I taking care of her so
Christine G. she/hers 32:45
yes, right. It’s it’s a kid and often we’re so busy doing we don’t stop and think about it. Like how are you? What’s going on? What do you need, right? Or what do you not need? Right? During these times?
Shannon M. 33:00
Yes. So that’s what I’m grateful for. As a black woman who has a company and is doing all these things. I also had the resources to take care of myself. Again, that’s what I’ve been focused on the past few weeks.
Christine G. she/hers 33:13
I love that. Well, speaking of a business woman, a black young millennial businesswoman, I’m gonna shout out the next one, which I think you’re very good at. And we all as business owners need a callback to this one, right? Manage your time and don’t try to do too much. prioritizing your time and activities can help you use your time well. Making a day to day schedule, which you are a genius at helps ensure you don’t feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks and deadlines. It’s okay to say no to plans that don’t fit in your schedule, or that don’t make you feel good.
Shannon M. 33:53
Yes, we can
Unknown Speaker 33:55
say no, just because
Shannon M. 33:57
what’s the point? And I think about my friend’s party, and I talk about it now. What’s my friend’s party? I wasn’t feeling the best. She wanted to have ladies grown at 60 type of vibe. Right? We went to a chair dancing class. It was supposed to be black and white. And I’m in here and coughing and stuff, because I don’t feel good. You should have stayed at home. Why did you come if we’re coughing in the chair dancing class? It’s not cute. You know what I mean? It’s the birthday party. And so yes, say no, if that’s what you would rather do, and everybody can have a great time and you can have a great time. But you really feel like doing all right.
Christine G. she/hers 34:34
Well, you know, we talked about in Sheila nice book Stillpoint. We talked about the five skills of self care. And the fifth one is about boundaries. And it’s about saying no, so you can say yes. So that you know, old school away a lot of people were raised especially in the south, you know that women we say yes, and we’re polite and we you know what, like, we don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings. And we’ve got to know, we don’t want to be mean or rude, but it’s okay to say no, to protect our boundaries and to protect our time and what works for us. And the other thing, and I have to practice it this, I’ll be really honest. We can say no, without, without a whole paragraph or a whole reason. Like we can just say, like a no is no, like, we don’t have to say, we don’t have to make up this amazing excuse, or maybe it’s not amazing. Like maybe there are, it really is true. But of course, we don’t
Shannon M. 35:34
have to do that have to give anything else. And I think, for me, that’s one of and maybe do our journey, we will give verbage to all of this stuff, you know, but that what you just said is one of the main things that I think about with women connected and wisdom and remembering to take up the space that you have for your life, because women’s task and that household caregiving has been free. monetarily, you think that my time is free. That’s what you that’s not the case. You right, so holding that space and remembering those boundaries and finding the verbiage, especially when we’re talking about environmental wellness and pushback that we might get, I think the reason that we over explained ourselves is because people expect an explanation. And if you feel like you shouldn’t give one thing, they’ll have to deal with the lack of an explanation, but an explanation and get the culture excuse me that they need from their own life. But that’s something I’m working on too is not over explaining or feel like I have to prove why this is my answer. Unless it’s somebody that is working through the details of that situation with me and they need to be privy to the information that comes from it is different. But the boundary is very important to keep.
Christine G. she/hers 36:54
I grew up in a family that really the only excuse for not showing up was if you were sick, or you know, really sick. And so that’s a dangerous story to have that you can only stop or take a break. If you’re unwell. So I’ve done a lot of work around that, like I’ve done a lot of work around, that you’re allowed to take rest and you’re allowed to say no. Just because yeah, right. Yeah, I think it’s a very common story for a lot of people to
Shannon M. 37:30
it. And that’s what something that really resonated with me was still point you don’t have to rest only when you’re sick or only when you don’t feel good, because then also, we’re only considering the physical aspect is usually what people are talking about. They’re not talking about mental and emotional and I just had a traumatic event that affected me and I need time to process it. That’s not what they’re talking about. You know, there’s, there’s some reason that your hands and your feet can operate for whatever we wanted you to do that. Hey, you should be here.
Christine G. she/hers 38:04
You know, I grew up, I grew up in Texas I grew up in, I was the daughter of a Texas football coach. So literally, we had the saying in our in when I was growing up about no blood, no foul. Do you know about that saying?
Shannon M. 38:20
No, but I think I understand it, but how would you explain it?
Christine G. she/hers 38:23
Like if there wasn’t blood or broken bone? Nothing happened here. Nothing to see here. Right? Like, it’s a horrible saying, it’s a horrible way to live your life? It’s like, No, you can be really injured without seeing blood or without seeing Bowdoin. And, but it’s just what you were saying about like all it could have been a traumatic event like that we don’t, you know, the world doesn’t see or the world doesn’t know or our grief and loss so many millions of people are experiencing profound grief and loss the last two years and stacked on top of each other stack sex sex or you know, and that doesn’t present as a broken bone or a caste or you know, a neck brace. If it proves it’s on so much. So more on the inside. So
Shannon M. 39:17
yes, yeah, yeah. And that too for me, especially because we talk about football players and skills are so lined up to each other. That emotionally we expect it to be the same to because you thought you because you think that you would be okay. If you were in my situation with the details that you have. You think that it feels it feels like the paperclip to you but to me it’s still a broken rib that didn’t come through this game I just said so you don’t see it. But right. That’s something now it’s outside of the nose and our boundaries with our time. Also, respecting how people in women say they feel about certain situations that happen.
Christine G. she/hers 39:56
Especially women of color. That it accepting their experiences as they are? Because I do know from my work in racial equity, that so many times white women, we just gloss over it. And it’s like, no, if our sisters of color say they’re experiencing this way, believe them. Right? Believe them.
Shannon M. 40:18
Oh, absolutely. And that goes back to knowing what you need and knowing how to escort and hold the space for yourself. You know, manage your time. Don’t try to do too much. What else?
Christine G. she/hers 40:30
Oh, well, you read the next one to me because I need this one. I’m working on this one currently. You want to do to be realistic? Yes, that’s the one I need to hear.
Shannon M. 40:46
The next point Y’all ready is be realistic, be realistic, even pre pandemic, the happy lives of people shown in those holiday commercials are fictional, all the TV’s fictional, just simply Yes. We all have struggles one time or another. And it’s not realistic to expect otherwise. Sometimes it’s simply not possible to find the perfect gift, or have a peaceful time was family. Yes, even family gatherings can be stressful.
Unknown Speaker 41:17
I realized I read that earlier. But I evidently needed to hear it again.
Shannon M. 41:22
Because, again, I was
Christine G. she/hers 41:24
thinking about being realistic with time. But I do think it’s the same thing when you think about it, like when you look at the commercials or when you look at the shows and everything’s just magically done. Right. Realistically, do that. Who did that? Right? That fit on the calendar? Who paid for that? Or who? You know, like, that’s the you know, that’s, that’s the thing. I think, Joe and I were having this conversation. It was, it’s been years ago, it was a house before this house that we currently live in, but his brother came to visit. And when we had moved into the south, I had really decluttered I had only things that came into the house that I loved. Now the garage, I mean, just full transparency. The garage had boxes, it had to it wasn’t like I had all my stuff together, then we get the wrong impression. But he came to visit. And he’s like, Oh my god, your house looks amazing. Like how do you keep it this clean? And Joe? And I can’t remember his exact words. I should I should have recorded them. So I could use them for years to bludgeon him with but that’s not kind. So let’s not do that. There was something like, oh, it just kind of magically happens. That was like,
Unknown Speaker 42:37
what, what did he say? Magically happened? No, no, it just not.
Christine G. she/hers 42:52
So, but I do still struggle with that. Like, what is realistic? Like we were talking about the beginning of the show, like, Okay, I think it takes this much time. But how much does it really take and giving myself the space and here’s the other thing is given myself the space to rest afterwards? Because I may have it down that it takes me an hour. But I may need a break before I go on to the next thing. Like and to give myself that time, right?
Shannon M. 43:21
Yes. And honestly, that’s with a lot of stuff. And I realized that I think last week after the holidays, I said you know what, I want to take advantage of the holidays to recoup or I would like to take it to recoup just like I do for vacation. And I started thinking about it more when all the kids were doing homeschool for COVID. And okay, they’re in front of the computer, they need time outside. So you know what? Yeah, I actually do like time in between work in between stuff for the house. And you have to be realistic. And it’s interesting. Grant Cardone, actually is the person who really know that now for me says don’t take more time and more money than you think it is. And you know what, finally click. So right, it’s going to take more time. And so giving yourself that grace, that you’re human, that you have no way of knowing XYZ, what happened before, it’s actually good that you’re realizing that because that means you’re on a new level, and just adjust accordingly.
Christine G. she/hers 44:17
Right. I know I’m taking time right now to really look at what I want to create and CO create in 2022. And block out those schedules. And I know a lot of people that are listening probably are. And really I want to read this off the article and we’re not going to get to everything the article said so we’ll put a link in the show notes today. But you know, this is Shannon and Isaac jam right here. So I want to be sure and say say this one out loud. Set aside time for yourself and prioritize self care. Schedule time. So put it in your calendar folks, for your self care in order to sustain your community care right. Schedule time for activities that make you feel good in mind. reading a book or going to the movies, getting a massage listening to music you love taking your dog for a walk, taking yourself for a walk, it might be just simply look at your Christmas tree lights or your Hanukkah lights, right? It is Oh, Kay. And obviously it’s more than okay, it’s vital to prioritize a long time you need to recharge.
Shannon M. 45:24
Yes, absolutely. And again, you, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So is it possible everything that you want to do with life, of course as possible, isn’t going to look exactly like you thought it was gonna look? Of course not. So right, what I know, you know what, I don’t know what the day is gonna bring. But I know that I started off with gratitude, and I’m gonna take care of myself. And I can go from there, when not everything that I’m trying to do, again, even with good intentions, I’m gonna operate a little more sharper than I intended to just because I didn’t take care of myself. So if I ever get to a point where I feel like, I don’t need to do this, for me, I really try to remind myself that it’s also for all the people that I’m about to go extend my overextend myself for when I would bring that justification to the table. You know, because they’re not going to be happy with the type of person that shows up when I pour from something that is not aligned the right way. And would right take care of myself first.
Christine G. she/hers 46:29
I always think aligned and I think grounded and centered, like what do I need to be grounded and centered for this moment, every regular day, but also during the holidays, there’s a lot of chaos, a lot of chaos out there, y’all the energies just like wippen, whoo, like you drive around. Like, whoa, take a deep breath, folks. So we will put this handling stress during the holiday season in the show notes. We’ve also got a few other articles in there that we came across that we’re running out of time to talk about today. But there’s one about stress management. Our top five tips for for a healthy holiday season. There’s a resource, I wanted to give a shout out that one of our women connected. Dr. Cynthia Phelps, who’s the inner ally gal who was on our show, first season I believe. She was telling me about a resource called she recovers.org. And it’s for women in recovery. And it’s self identified. It’s like it can be from drugs, alcohol, overeating, Shopaholic, really whatever. But there’s an incredible online community that’s free for women across the nation. And I just wanted to give a shout out for that, because it’s an incredible resource that women may need this time of the year, especially, because I know there’s a lot of triggers if addiction is in the background around the holidays. So yeah, and I also put in, I don’t know if I told you about the Shannon, but next year, I’m part of a conference, a sovereign women conference in 2022. That’s coming up in February. And I put a link to that for our listeners to check out because that’s going to be here before I was like, Oh, I’ve got time to I’ve got time to talk about that. But Hello, like shows away from 2022. So that’s pretty incredible. Pretty incredible. Holiday shout outs or things you want to give for Shayla blah,
Shannon M. 48:32
Huh? Just? Well, yes, I will tell you. So what we’re about to talk about, like we said, we’re setting up our schedules for 2022. Right now we’re talking about fee. And a lot of diabetics have to trigger free or should be checking their fee on a daily basis. What I didn’t, hadn’t thought about it. This obsession, I believe is the loss of sensation. I always forget the word for it, but sometimes that they don’t feel it. They’re literally walking around with bruises and injuries on their feet. They don’t know it because they can’t feel it. So checking your body daily for both the things that feel good and things that may need some attention is vitally important. So we’re ending the year of atrophy. And next year we’re going to go from head to toe teaching everybody how to go from head to toe, starting with the scout all the way down to the toes and December 2022. So if you want to be part of that, and you know this is an area that you would like more information, go to Shayla glue.com and join our subscription list. We’ve been given information and I look forward to more and 2022
Christine G. she/hers 49:37
I love that and you also so generously give our listeners a wise five discount. So if you are listening to women connected in wisdom and you are ordering over at Shiloh glow, be sure and put in your wife’s five discount code so you can get that as our gift to you. So Shayla glow is one of our sponsors that we are so grateful for. So Talking about environmental wellness today talking about the holidays. We’ve talked about a lot. What’s your wisdom and action this week, my friend
Shannon M. 50:12
I’m going to intentionally spit outside at least once did it once one time this week, because my outside time used to be when I would run, I’m not running anymore. So I’ve missed I’ve changed the exercise, but outside time is still necessary. Someone do that consistently at least one time this week.
Christine G. she/hers 50:34
Hmm. I love that mine is right along with that too, is to get outside every day. And spend some time some quiet time if I can make it work. It’s hard with a you know, Monty is a six month old puppy. So the quiet time is a little negotiable there but getting outside in in nature, for sure. Even on days that are kind of he cuz you know, if we stop now then it’ll get us out of practice
Shannon M. 50:58
Throughout the whole winter, so. Exactly. Exactly. And getting ready for summer definitely started last week when So yeah, we’re staying consistent and maintaining our bonus.
Christine G. she/hers 51:09
I love it. Well, I have so enjoyed our conversation today. Thank you so much as always, of course.
Shannon M. 51:17
And we talked about celebrating our year anniversary at the beginning of the month. We look forward to you guys being with us. So you know last week is our last episode of the year. So we are finishing strong. We will see you next week Live at Five. And don’t forget, be well be wise and behold, we’ll see you soon
Unknown Speaker 51:45
Thanks for listening. This has been the women connected in wisdom podcast on air live on Wednesdays at 5pm. Eastern via Facebook and YouTube. Be sure to like share and subscribe be part of the conversation and get connected at women connected in wisdom.com.
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