Intellectual Wellness with special guest Courtney Dorsey ⋆ Christine Gautreaux MSW

Show notes –

Join Shannon & Christine as we chat with our special guest Courtney Dorsey about Intellectual Wellness and how we keep learning and growing.

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This week’s resources and references:

Interplay – https://www.interplay.org

Alternate Roots – https://alternateroots.org/

Register for Roots Week here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/x/roots-week-2021-southern-soil-collective-liberation-in-harmony-wthe-land-tickets-161825130321

Financial Peace – Dave Ramsey – https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/financial-peace

My Grandmother’s Hands – Resmaa Menakem – https://www.amazon.com/My-Grandmothers-Hands-Racialized-Pathway/dp/1942094477

How Full is your bucket – by Tom Rath (Author), Don Clifton (Author) https://www.amazon.com/How-Full-Your-Bucket-Rath/dp/1595620036

S.W.O.T. analysis – https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_05.htm

Maya Angelou – I know why the caged bird sings https://www.amazon.com/Know-Why-Caged-Bird-Sings/dp/0345514408

Arts XChange – https://www.artsxchange.org/

Connect with Courtney here: https://www.lifecoachcoe.com/

Listen to Talk Sessions with Coe: https://www.facebook.com/lifecoachcoe

Connect with her on social media here:

IG business: lifecoachcoe

IG personal: ceauxdeaux18

Facebook: Dorsey Courtney

Show Transcript –

NOTE: While it’s not perfect, we offer this transcription by Otter.ai for those who are hearing impaired or who don’t find listening to a podcast enjoyable or possible.

Christine Gautreaux 0:08
Let’s do this.

Shannon M. 0:08
Okay ladies, welcome to our podcast. I am Shannon Mitchell, a black female, millennial entrepreneur, the founder of shallow glow, a handmade shea butter company. I am a champion for your self care, business care and intentional wellness.

Christine Gautreaux 0:25
And I am Christine Gautreaux, a white social justice advocate, an international speaker, coach and published author who helps you upgrade yourself in community care.

Shannon M. 0:35
Yes. And together we are women connected in wisdom, a podcast grounded in the eight dimensions of wellness. Welcome, welcome to our show.

Christine Gautreaux 0:43
We come together every week, yeah, for intentional conversations about how to be wise and business relationships and wellness. And so, so grateful for our conversations,

Shannon M. 0:55
really, though, they helped me You know, I think about what we talked about a lot throughout the week, withholding grief and gratitude and drinking water and grounding yourself and things to do before you start pouring out to other people. And you know, all of the things we talked about definitely help.

Christine Gautreaux 1:14
Right. It’s good to have wise friends voices in your head, like I have a friend that always says to me, I always think what would Christine do? And I have those people in my life like what would Shannon do? Well, you know, who are the different people in your lives that when you hit that moment that you’re like, you have somebody that you’ve had this conversation with? Hopefully, that you can think what would they do? So what are we talking about today, my friend, who today we are

Shannon M. 1:41
talking about intellectual wellness, and intellectual wellness refers to active participation in Scholas, Scholastic, cultural, and community activities. It is important to gain and maintain intellectual wellness because it expands knowledge and skills in order to live a stimulating successful life. In order to improve intellectual wellness, it is important to value creativity, curiosity, in lifelong learning. And this definition is from the University of Illinois.

Christine Gautreaux 2:13
I love that. You know, when you say the word Scholastic, you know, where I immediately go to what the Scholastic Book Fair. I love that word. Because I immediately go to that, you remember the feel of that book order form? That, you know, it was like, really? High pay? Yeah. And it was really thin. And it was so packed with all the books, and it was packed with all the tiny print definition that, you know, now at my age, I couldn’t read that print. But you know, you’re like, Oh, you can read. And you remember on the back of that it had the long list that you got to check, check, check. I I love about

Shannon M. 2:53
the bookmarks, the bookmarks, all the books that I

Christine Gautreaux 2:58
want to read, right? Well, I didn’t, I think my mom would allow me one book, maybe two, it would depend on the price of them. Often I would be the 99 cent ones that we would get to check off. But I would remember I was saved my allowance or chore money or you know, birthday money, whatever. Because I’d always want like another book. And I think about that when I think about talking about intellectual wellness, because I am so grateful that I was raised to be a reader. Yeah. And that I love reading

Shannon M. 3:34
me to reading has literally changed my life. I was thinking about it this week, if I took away all the knowledge and personal experience, from the personal stories that I’ve read, it had everything else, I would be missing a lot of stuff. You know, I’ll be missing. Of course, not only Twilight and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, different things for entertainment, but financial literacy, and we talk about spiritual wellness, how to submit to God that helps me not worry about the details of situations I can’t control. It makes it easier to get through stuff. Oh, that’s not my carry anyways, you know, but that perspective to work through it. I really did. And I was able to do that reading a book. So yeah, books are great.

Christine Gautreaux 4:21
Well, I think about my social justice work and how many things I’ve learned about racial justice, not only from my friends and their lived experiences, but authors of color who are writing about their experiences and what do we do and you know, Rasma Minikin and my grandmother’s hands and talking about racial trauma that lives in our bodies in all bodies. And so yeah, I think I love I know you and I talk about it every week. Our listeners know we love books, and you know, if we have listeners that loves books, feel free to tag us on social media, and let us know what you’re reading because you know, Shannon, or one or both of us may run out and grab it.

Shannon M. 5:11
Really, really, and even if we don’t grab it, we’ll still share the notes and what we learned from it. You know, that’s what how we grow together. Yeah.

Christine Gautreaux 5:19
So what’d you just finish reading? I know, we talked. You were in a book. And I think you just tell me you finished reading it?

Shannon M. 5:25
Yes, I did finish it. Okay, full is your bucket. I love this. And it’s talking about Don Clifton, being the father of strength psychology, and how throughout history when we talk about mental and emotional, well, let’s say mental health. Usually we focus on what’s wrong with people, right? We focus on the negative, what are they missing? Where do they need to get better at? It gave an example of parents with their students and they go to school, they have an A, and then they have an F? Which one? Are you going to pay more attention to verse, you know, the A is great, but they’re okay over here. What’s going on with this F? Why? Why are your grades this way? And then we go down this this rabbit hole. But it’s really saying that if you change the perspective of the Golden Rule and say, How does this person like to be treated? You know, what name do they prefer to be called? How do they prefer to be praised? How do they like to be communicated with, and when you really individualize it and focus on strengths, while also having constructive criticism and conversations that can build somebody up in their weaknesses? That is what creates a healthy environment that points to that environmental wellness. So yeah, it was a great read. There’s some activities in the back. And I really look forward to seeing what my updated strengths are with these new tasks like this podcast, if it’s business, you know, on the table.

Christine Gautreaux 6:49
I love that I love the strengths based approach when I was getting my master’s in social work with a clinical specialty, I’m always drawn to that, you know, I believe in looking for people strengths and system strengths. You know, there’s a lot we need to change in our world. I mean, hands down, we know it. And but I think when we look for what’s working, and we can build on that, I think that’s huge. And I know you and I, in our own practice, in the podcast, in our working relationship together, we do a SWOT analysis. Do you want to tell our our listeners what that is?

Shannon M. 7:27
Yes. So we specifically talk about our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities that we see and threats. And this way, we can keep what is actually happening, front of mine, when I was halfway, salary manager, and then another foot in network marketing, I realized I wasn’t making any money with network marketing, because I wasn’t doing anything. You know, I wasn’t doing the things that bring in money and knowing that it’s very important, you’re actually going to lead to your results. So especially when you have somebody else that you’re working with, it benefits to periodically go through what’s going on, and then set up and reprioritize goals so that we can get to, you know, the big goal and the big picture that we’re building everything for.

Christine Gautreaux 8:14
I love that. Yeah, I love. I love just looking at the whole big picture, just like you said, and figuring out what works. And I love that we start with our strengths, and support each other in that, you know, that’s part of the women connected in wisdom podcast is, is to lift each other up and to lift each other’s voices up. And our guest today, will who will introduce in a few minutes is is one of those people in the world that lifts other women up and has intentional conversations, but does it in a way that’s affirming and supportive. And I love that. I love having friends in my life that do that. I love having business partners in my life that do that. And collaborators. I think it’s awesome. So when we talk about intellectual wellness, Shannon, what else are you up to? Because you know, part of that definition is, um, is like lifelong learning. So what are you up to anatomy?

Shannon M. 9:20
Yes. So, you know, there’s so many different I really feel like I’m getting my doctorate right now. And I went to undergrad, got a BS in psychology. Then I got my masters about to go into management, right real life experience. And now I’m getting my Doctorate in Business Management and personal finance and business finance. But yes, financial literacy. So I’ve been working on the financial East planner by Dave Ramsey, and also going through the subscription. I was gifted a year of subscription. So I’m excited to go through Financial Peace University. I’ve read some of the content from the different curators that in that platform, so I’m familiar with what they talk about. But it’s not just about this is why intellectual wellness is onboarding to me. Because it’s not just about knowing we can know all day that we need to drink water. But if it’s the hottest week in the past month, and we’re not drinking water, we’re still gonna drop some legislation, you know, so it’s about actually implementing it. And that’s what I look forward to do with this financial literacy.

Christine Gautreaux 10:27
I love that. And you practice what you preach my friend, we’re gonna have to talk about more on that when we talk about financial wellness. But today, for our listeners who got on the first thing she asked me was, how much water you’ve been drinking. Because it’s hot in Atlanta this week. So yeah, well, I am so excited, I want to tell you real quick what I’ve been up to, and then we’ll bring on our guest. This week, I am participating in presenting at the national and international Interplay leaders gathering, we gather once a year, leaders from all over the country and all over the world, actually, and come together to being Brest practices to interplay with each other. And some of our listeners may have heard, but interplay is a system that uses movement and storytelling and voice and is based on an ethic of play. So it’s fun that I get paid to play. And that part of my intellectual growth is to really go to a conference where we play for a week. So that is super fun. And then it backs right up to the alternate routes. Conference, which is another community where arts and activism meet, that I am a part of, and we’ll be presenting, working on uprooting oppression and all forms. So I love going with my peers in both of these places, and learning and growing and finding out best practices and what’s happening. And so, it these are both virtual, because of what’s going on in the world. I look forward to next year hopefully being in person. So I am yeah, I’m really excited. Well, should we bring up our guest, of course. So our guest today, y’all is a life coach and educator. She is the host of talk sessions with CO which is a live show. She is a person that believes in wellness, the black community and loves God, and we are so excited to have her on our show today. Welcome life coach Co.

Courtney Dorsey 12:38
Can you guys see me and hear me? Okay?

Christine Gautreaux 12:41
We can! We’re so glad you’re here!

Courtney Dorsey 12:45
It is so great to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me on your show. I’m super excited to be here.

Christine Gautreaux 12:51
We’re pumped to have you because we know this whole last month, you have been doing your entire show about work life balance and burnout. And when we chatted with you and realized what a good match you are for women connected in wisdom, we were like, Come come come talk to our people about about it all. So you know, we’re talking about intellectual wellness today. But we always talk about all the dimensions of wellness. So what have you been learning over on your show about work life balance and burnout.

Courtney Dorsey 13:25
So it’s been crazy, you know, just talking to people that come from different backgrounds, I’ve been having people on the show that working in the creative aspect, like someone that works in the film industry. Then I had someone on that work there retail pharmacy, I had some entrepreneurs, just a big, diverse group of people that came on that work in different backgrounds. And they all have similar stories, just referring to how they just don’t pay attention to their mental health. They don’t pay attention to burnout, they don’t pay attention to any of those things. So we were talking about how we can prepare ourselves. Before we get to a burnout. How do we prepare ourselves before things like this actually happened? Like when we get to the point where we’re not loving our jobs, we’re not paying to say to ourselves practice and self care. And it’s just like, at that point, we become our own worst enemies, right? We’re not having the best luck in life. So basically, what I’ve been talking to people about is how to recognize those signs of burnout, how to recognize when you are getting to a point where you feel like you’re struggling or that you’re not happy with what’s going on in your life being said to proceed or you’re losing interest. And so, how do we prepare ourselves before that even happens? How do we schedule those breaks and and things like that? So that’s basically what I’ve been talking about, on succession. So with CCO

Christine Gautreaux 14:53
I love that. I was before you came on. I was telling Shannon I’m doing a national leaders guide within her play, and one of our prompts that we were playing with this morning, that makes me think about this, like, how do we catch it ahead of time was talking about what do you want more of in your life? Like, what do you want more of in your life. And so when I responded to that prompt, it was more nature, time and camping time, because those are things that prevent burnout in my life is when I disconnect from the grid, and I go, and I’m in nature, and more snuggle time with some of my loved ones, because that’s been out of balance because of this pandemic. What do you want more of in your life?

Courtney Dorsey 15:34
Freedom? Yeah, that’s always my daughter, you know, for a longest time, I’ve always said the same thing for their something that I’m looking for, like, I want more freedom, I want to have my time, I don’t want to always spend my time working. I want to be able to take vacations, and I want to be able to go home and see my family more often. Because of course, I live in Atlanta, but I’m from Louisiana. I’ve been out here for about six years. And so it’s like, I always want to have time to go visit my mom and my sister and my nieces and nephews. Because you know, my family is a huge part of my life. And so, for the longest, you know, I’ve always felt like I was caged. And like, I didn’t feel like you know, I was in a career where I was being myself, my authentic self and doing the things that I actually wanted to do. And so I always felt caged, like my Angelo. I Know Why the Caged Bird thing I was struggling, I wasn’t happy in life. So one of the things that I always say is, I want to feel free, I want to have my freedom back. So that’s what it is for me. Yeah, I love that

Shannon M. 16:43
Courtney, and I know that I talk a lot about money is solely for the purpose of freedom. You know, I definitely understand that if you get consumed with anything and prioritize it too highly, it can be destructive, right? So it’s not out of that, but it is out of you need freedom, so that when you need your serpentine belt change on your car, it’s not quite sure if you can do that, so that you can get to the places you have to go, you know, if you have to go to the doctor, it’s not the stress of whatever’s going to happen to the doctor and paying for the doctor yet things like that can be taken care of. And what you asked is the right question, you know, how do we do these things? How do we act in primitive ways before we get burned out? And what I love about how full is your bucket is, that’s really what it’s about, right? For this. It’s talking about the community aspect. That’s what we talk about here, the community aspect, and then the personal aspect to so it’s great to fill other people’s buckets and be mindful of them filling your buckets and having appropriate boundary setup. But before that, it is also my responsibility, though, my own bucket, right. So in the morning, I take time for myself, I make sure that I’m writing in my journal that I’m drinking my water that I’m eating. Because now that I started this new job, I’m not eating like I used to be and it’s not because I know that I don’t need to eat but it’s just one of those things that it starts here we go and it starts slipping me taking care of myself because it’s more time over there. You know, so making sure that I feel my own buckets. So when somebody else does it, I’m not bent out of shape because I’m over here, negative and dry. Like my gas tank. You know, I may shake. Yeah.

Courtney Dorsey 18:28
Burning or running on trash. You should Brian on trash. It’s like the convenience. Like of everything, you know, you started grabbing Wendy’s because I love Wendy’s chili, you know, it’s easy. And then you start spending all this unnecessary money. And then just next thing, you know, you’re down a rabbit hole. And one of the things that you know, I want to be smart about because when you I was listening to you speak about, you know, your spending and going Dave Ramsey and I was just like, I actually took a financial hope class at my church, because I wanted to learn how to budget with what I had, you know, like, it wasn’t easy, because of course, I mean, I wasn’t balling out of control. So I’m like, how am I gonna budget a little bit and I know that I have, but I was determined to be content with a life that I had, you know, instead of chasing after my future life all the time, I was determined to be happy with the life that I had, and make do with it. And sometimes I think that is the key to burnout and to to burnout as well like not always chasing the dollar, always chasing the next thing, because I care with my friends about that. And I say that at one point. I felt like I was a prostitute to the dollar because I was always accepting jobs that I didn’t want for money. trading time for money.

Christine Gautreaux 19:53
Well, I think our culture our white dominant capitalistic culture Not early encourages that, like, makes people feel like a failure if you’re not, if you’re not doing that, like if you’re not running, if you’re not, if you’re not, and especially for women, if you’re not being a super woman and doing all the things a you know, I think we’re set up in that regard. Um, I want to circle back co about, you were saying about catching ourselves before burnout. So I know for myself, I have some very clear and they’re funny because I make them funny signals in my life that I’m like, Oh, crud, you know, like, what I’m I always joke with my friends is if my voicemail full is full, my life’s too full. And I got to I got to get some things in balance. So are there any things like that, that you have? Or that you work with your clients? Like, what are indicators? That you’re out of balance? Or you’re headed towards burnout?

Courtney Dorsey 20:57
Um, so some of the things that like you would let me make sure I understand the question, right, you’re saying that what are some of the things that like some of the signs, right?

Christine Gautreaux 21:07
Yeah. Like, what are some of your indicators, either personal or that you have clients watch out for?

Courtney Dorsey 21:13
Um, another thing that I know is that that fatigue that now wanting to actually show up for for work, you know, you start getting that morning like, Ah, man, I just don’t want to get up in the morning. I just hate everything. I hate it up here. I hate the way this person smells today. Like is just like, everything is a complaint, everything is an issue. And I just know that. That’s one. Usually when it starts with me, my anxiety is high for me. You know, I started to get very anxious about everything is an issue. One of the other things is, really some people go through moments where they’re not resting, they’re not sleeping, they’re always working. They’re always thinking about, hey, this is happening. I have to get.

Christine Gautreaux 22:03
I think we lost her. So Shannon, let’s talk while we’re hoping her tech comes back. Yeah. What are indicators for you, my friend?

Shannon M. 22:12
So I would say getting full, you say your voicemail? Right? I could say that. But I would say again, my space is not organized. If, for example, we had a market this weekend, we went to the arts exchange festival, right, the market see through wellness. And I got some pass outs from this company that hopefully will come on and be a guest. And but in an indoor and it was taken days, I couldn’t open it. I said Why did I let this person stuff take up all the space that I needed for myself, you know, if I am overworking am i i started waking up at 630 this morning because of or this week because of my new schedule. And if I could think that I could just keep going all the way to midnight. And then if I’m not done, stay up late, and then wake up early the next day, like I’m not going to wake up early the next day. Let’s be realistic, you know, like, what needs to be done today. And then what can be done later on. So I know we you and I have talked about that over scheduling myself is another thing. And then the last thing I’ll say is if I’m not taking care of my routine, if I stop running, you know, if I stopped journaling, if I stopped drinking water, if I’m not eating, it’s five o’clock, and I haven’t eaten anything, but I’m mad because I had a headache. Well, maybe you should ate something you know. So that’s why it’s helped to make it first everything else will get taken care of the money you the bills are still going to be their job is still going to be there. The podcast is still going to be there. But first, you can eat, you can drink some water. Because if not you will make time for Instagram, you know you would make time to to take care of everybody else. So you can’t do that if you’re not here. So that’s what helps me kind of come back to what your goals this week. Where are we at? Let’s do a SWOT analysis. Maybe we completely fell off and need to get back on that’s okay, but at least we thought we caught it and we’re gonna keep moving forward. That’s really good. Thank you. I know that you got cut off Courtney, what else were you saying?

Courtney Dorsey 24:11
Um, so far burnout. Welcome back, guys. But for burnouts, you know, just recognizing like, basically what she said that lack of appetite or lack of eating, you know, just grabbing conveniency one of the things that I told you my viewers last week was that you start the first thing is your health is always the first thing that started to go your mental health. You’re in like you said intellectual, you know making better choices, you know, you’re grabbing food, you’re spending unnecessary money. You’re doing things to kind of fit her lifestyle, and I’m making the priorities for your health. You know, you’re not making the right choices and that’s always the first thing that goes with us we always start going for convenience. Now usually the indicator that we’re You’re not settling in the right time for things, we’re not scheduling in time to take care of our bodies to eat properly to cook, you know, spend time with our loved ones. So we’re not doing the things in our lives that we really want. I think that that’s the onset of burnout.

Shannon M. 25:19
Absolutely. And that’s, I think, actually, the last big thing, because I know there’s big things. And then there’s other things, of course that add to it. But if I realized, just like you, Courtney, I’m getting mad at different situations or feeling like somebody always say, gets their stuff taken care of, okay, for example, my old job, a lot of times, or a couple of times, my development was forgotten about it wasn’t scheduled, right. planes were missed things were overslept schedules were not taken care of. And so I might, at that point, start filling some type of way, right? Like, why is that development always forgotten about or pushed back, but at the same time, I could have done things to prioritize it or prioritize that conversation. So what that actually ends up looking like is, like he’s complaining, or nitpicking about certain situations, but that’s just the symptom. The root is really that I didn’t take time to get my stuff done. And now as a business owner, who’s working a job, I’m going to what I know is going to happen is I’ll be interested in everything at work, if my social media isn’t done, if my schedule isn’t planned out, if my stuff isn’t known in the back of my head, that’s, that’s what comes up, you know, the fact that I’m doing this for all these people and stuff isn’t done. But that’s, that’s my fault, because I didn’t fill my bucket. So changing that, to me has been occupational wellness, or excuse me, intellectual wellness,

Courtney Dorsey 26:43
to piggyback off of that, when you said that, you know, not making those choices and those priorities is so important. And, and one of the things that I even heard people, when it comes to burnout is to reprioritize your goals like you know, reprioritize yourself, because it’s a matter of really understanding like, one thing that I did right now, I’m in school, getting my teaching certification, I got those talk sessions show, I have my online blog that I’m that I’m writing two times a week, and my so on Facebook Live every Thursday at eight o’clock. And I’m like, I love it. I love doing those two things. So I want to put all my time, but I decided to get my teacher certification. That is right, right now until my business gets to where I wanted to be financially. That is my bread and butter. So I took off school for like three weeks, I didn’t do any assignment, she was planning my year celebration and planning that planning. And then I was just so tired after the year celebration topics and writing consistently. I was tired. And I was like I’m about to withdraw from school. I don’t want to do this anymore. This is I know, I want to do my show. And then I have to think about it. What is your goal? What What was your goal? What did you start it for? What was the whole point of doing this? And, and sometimes you have to go back to that so that you can come back stronger. That’s how I feel.

Shannon M. 28:11
I love that. And we were listening to part of your show before we got on again today. And you were talking about how to what we just said reprioritizing your goals. And let me make a specific point, how you balance your self care, right and your you getting your teaching certification and taking care of everything else. And I think is exactly that, you know, you and he’s also talked about remembering what you want remembering things that you like to do, how do you balance those things? So, especially right now, while we’re realizing what does it take to be healthy? For me that pulls us back to the center. Right? But it’s the overall goal. And what are the action steps that I need to take to get there. After that it’s really following the plan. And following the plan doesn’t mean that things always go to plan. Actually, people who plan know that it doesn’t go to plan. But I know I started school because I wanted to do X, Y and Z you know and I was just having a conversation like that with one of my old roommates from college last night like hey, these people at work might be treating you a certain type of way and should have been more warm and I don’t know team like as you were leaving the workplace, but you’ve been waiting for six years to get back in school. So that’s still a win. You know, you went through all this stuff to get this work experience in the medical field. And that’s still a win whether or not but it’s my whether or not they would balance it that way in the conversations that they have with you. So as especially as a woman you really have to hold that center and when everybody else is telling you what they should do and what they think it should look like and what they think about your situation well okay, this is heavy but is what one it doesn’t make it easy for later on? Or am I overextending myself? Let’s reprioritize based on where we’re going, you know, and along the way, then make sure that your bucket is full and, and that we’re not again, unnecessarily overextending ourselves. I used to do that, that asking for the tires, you know, yeah, not knowing what I would use it for. So now you use your podcast, or you use your time for your show, you use it to say you use it to mess. I’m doing the same thing. Before if I was off, it was three times. But that is not free, it definitely cost you something, if not anything else, yes, opportunity cost of what you could have done, you know, so that’s what I think about when I think about intellectual wellness.

Courtney Dorsey 30:44
Love there. Love that. Thank you for sharing that. That that’s amazing. Like, you know, it’s really prioritizing self care. And that was one of the subjects that I did a while back, I was like self care is important that we take those breaks, and then like, you know, what is for self care? You know, like, what do you need, it’s not just, it’s not just putting cucumbers on your eyes and sitting by the pool that might be so carried away, but sometimes don’t care, it’s actually taking care of your mental health. And actually, you know, getting down to the nitty gritty, one of the things that you know, I share with people that’s really personal, is that my anxiety got really out of hand, it got to the point where I just wouldn’t do anything, I would completely shut down. Because I just couldn’t make myself do anything. And that’s what I totally understand that your own bio, was struggling with anxiety in order to perform. When anxiety really takes over your mind and body, you can’t perform, you can’t do anything. But I completely 100% understand that and support her in that. And so I had to see a therapist and a psychiatrist about that I’m a person advocate for mental health, I have both of my degrees in psychology. So I’m like, I got to practice what I preach, if I’m going to be out here telling people, Hey, you need to look at the mental health what I was doing, what was I doing for myself, so I had to get to the point where my anxiety was under control, especially when it’s that time of the month, you know, I was really PMDD you know, struggling with like, you know, the pre the pre menstrual issues with my my emotions, and my anxiety had got completely out of hand. And so one of the things I had to actually sit down with was focused on my mental health first, before I was able to do anything I was trying to rush my career, force, my spirituality, force, everything in my life, so work when I couldn’t even handle it. And it was like, we want to be honest with you stuff and tell the truth.

Shannon M. 32:54
Yeah. So Courtney, can we talk about that? Can we talk about the, and this is how I say it? Because I did the same thing, right. It’s not exactly how you phrased it, but dismantling the lies in your life? I think you said rescripting, right? Can we talk about what that looked like and how that helped you? So one of the

Courtney Dorsey 33:14
things like, I’ve been working with business coach on my business and preparing for that. And so like, one of the things I was saying that, that she was helping me with was like, you know, sometimes I have to talk to myself about, hey, if I don’t have this many viewers this day, then that means that I’m unpopular, and you have to change that mindset, maybe I didn’t mark it that day. And maybe I can reframe that by marketing better. You know, maybe the though, the aspect that I took a marketing wasn’t the best avenue, instead of aligning that with who I am as a person and attaching to my identity, my strengths and weaknesses. You know, that is always what we do in the black community. Christine, we struggle with that we always attach our one, you know, quote, unquote, weaknesses, with who we are as women with identity or our lack thereof, because we get persecuted for not always being strong, or you know, being independent, especially when you’re single.

Shannon M. 34:17
So,

Courtney Dorsey 34:19
you got to that happy, medium strong, I believe is calling yourself out and being honest with yourself and saying, Hey, I’m anxious. And I’m not going to be able to do anything until I actually sit down and solve this issue. That’s how I get some help. Until I actually tell them I need help today. You know, and one of the things that that I really, you know, wanted was I wanted a friend accountability partner so that’s how me and just teamed up for me to even get back into working now. Consistently and eating healthy and doing my schoolwork. I have somebody that I can call and say I’m struggling girl. I can’t Do you work? You got this? You know, so there’s just so many things that you can do for yourself and reprogramming. reorganizing your mind setting your goals?

Shannon M. 35:13
Yeah.

Courtney Dorsey 35:15
key factor is that I could not do that until I got my mental health in order, it was impossible for me.

Christine Gautreaux 35:25
Thank you for sharing that. And, you know, I know it’s finally starting to be talked about, like with Simone Biles and, and I just lost her name, who was the tennis player that also just said to me, Naomi, thank you, um, you know, really talking about that, that prioritizing mental health and I was on your website and read your post about perfectionism. And I think that ties into all of this to that, that admitting that we don’t have to be perfect or present as perfect. And I think that is a thing that women struggle with across all races and cultures about that showing up or presenting a certain way. And it’s detrimental to our mental health.

Courtney Dorsey 36:15
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I was watching documentaries on the feminist movement and how women even started, and all the things that were said about him, all the things that were said about what men just want to be responsible for their lives and actually take charge of their lives. But it came with a lot of pressure, it came with a lot of weight on our shoulders. Without that grace. And it didn’t end for a second, we couldn’t, you know, give grace to ourselves. Because it was like we chose that we chose the one be equal to men, we chose ones that have equality. And so now it’s like, you know, when we’re going through something emotionally that men can relate to it and don’t get the freedom or the you know, to say, Hey, I’m struggling right now, with my menstrual cycle. I have extremely bad cramps, and it’s affecting my work today. We can’t We can’t do that. Because it’s I mean, no, I understand that.

Christine Gautreaux 37:20
I love that you’re bringing that up on this podcast, Courtney. Yes. Shannon knows. Last week, I just had a horrible week I lost a friend to COVID. And I’m perimenopausal I’m at that age that I thought I was done with my menstrual cycle. And like, the day after I lost my friend, I started my cycle. And I’m like, Are you kidding me? So I was dealing with grief, I was dealing with hormones. And that that shits real. I mean, it is real, about how we regulate our emotions and how we can show up in the world and what we can handle on that day. And if we need to just go sit down somewhere.

Shannon M. 38:02
And it’s interesting, because I’ve actually watched how it’s changed over time, you know, and what I do, and specifically, because of my skin, you know, of course your hormones are going to change my skin is breaking out. I’m trying to permit workouts right at this age. And so I think about what I eat the week before, like, Okay, if I know this is the schedule, it’s on, just like water, let me get ahead of it. So I think that would also help with the moods and the anxiety because there’s such a thing as gut psychology, and the environment of your digestive system is going to affect how you think about things. So if you already know that that’s going to happen, that’s something that’s been helping me get ready so that that week, I’m already set for as much success as possible. And I can make sure that I’m taking care of myself while I still had to take care of everything else.

Christine Gautreaux 38:53
You know, that’s why we talk about the eight dimensions of wellness because y’all were juggling a lot. We are juggling a lot.

Shannon M. 39:03
Oh, yeah. So when I think about intellectual wellness, Courtney, and you keep pointing to it, how do we know where to start? Or what to work on? And is literally what do you need right now, you know, Corona made everybody focus on physical and financial. So I’m studying these finances after the finances are set up. I plan on going to spiritual getting more in tune over there. And not that, of course, you don’t do things at the same time. But being realistic and how much can be done at one time, how many habits you can really work on to make second nature so that they don’t take from your willpower and don’t pull as much energy. You know, you do one thing at a time. And again, I work on doing that based on what I need and what’s going on.

Courtney Dorsey 39:49
Yes, um, and one of the things that I struggle with is doing trying to do too much so I’m glad that you said that, you know, try not to take on too much at one time. You know, that’s steel, that perfectionism thing that I’m always trying to break that habit of is like, you know, okay, I’m going to do this, I’m going to read, I’m reading, like six scriptures, and I’m going to spend time with God two hours a day. And then I’m going to, you know, come my finances and blah, blah, blah. And then I ended up failing at all of it, or feeling like I’m failing at all of it, because I didn’t quite hit my targets. And I’m like, fit sample. How about I wake up? And dedicate? You know, the first time the first moment I opened my eyes instead of getting on social media? How about I read my scripture first? challenge myself to read a scripture first and give honor and glory to God first? And how about I dedicate myself to pray at least once a day? How about, I think I don’t spend any money on fast food this week. And cook, keep it so simple and practical. And don’t make it a big deal. How about if you’re struggling to do a reader? How about I read a chapter a day or a Chapter A night or even just one page? You know, give yourself some grace, you’re only one person. And regardless of what other people think, because, I mean, like I said, you know, on our last show that, you know, I have baby boomer parents, so they expect, you know, a lot from you. And I’m just like, Man, I don’t have to tell my mom my business. And my mother did a lot today, it was a productive day. You know, I don’t need to judgment. I don’t need it.

Shannon M. 41:38
Yeah. And what’s really helped me with that too corny is okay, what are things that should be in every day? Right, that’s what helps me fill my bucket, that devotion in the morning, like he said, prayer in the morning, I know, I’m gonna talk to my friends and my partners and collaborators. Well, he’s definitely one of those. I need the personal relationships. So definitely got to have that in every day. Right? But when stuff comes up, and we need to pay social media optimization, and I need to prep fruit for the smoothies, because we try to be healthy and everything doesn’t have to go on today. How about we put that on Thursday, put that on Saturday, put that actually put that in September, okay, we not even gonna worry about it in August. And that has really helped me like you could put it on the list. But maybe it’s a two year ago, maybe it’s a five year goals. Maybe it’s a 10 year ago, you know, and that’s how we start having a longer trajectory of this is where I’m going and why I’m going to stay in school right now. Because I need time and financial freedom to study Mandarin may have a different oral language and a written language, I’m gonna have to have time to study for that. So that’s in 10 years. And that’s what helps me with my anxiety,

Courtney Dorsey 42:48
being real, just being real and being honest with yourself and really, you know, trusting your feelings, and giving grace to yourself. That’s one of my taglines for ever giving grace to yourself and trusting your feelings. Not not to, not in the sense of, if you I want to use you know, not use that too loosely about the trusting your feelings, because feelings are fickle, you know, they go up and down. But if you have a persistent feeling about something, a gut feeling about something conscientious, you know, you have to honor that conscientious feelings. Yeah,

Christine Gautreaux 43:25
I have a I have a body wisdom practice of checking in with my body and noticing what’s going on. Because I think especially when we talk about burnout, and we talk about like work life balance, if we’re not checking in with our you said, you know, checking in with our gut, you know, I think about that with our body wisdom. What is our body telling us truly, like, if it’s telling us to go lay down, or that we don’t have the energy to get out of bed? We got to listen and not be hard on ourselves. We got to why are we having that feeling? You know, and in with that, y’all, I am so loving this conversation, and I’m aware of our time. So I would love to do some wrap ups with our wisdom. And we’ve already talked a little bit about our wisdom and action. But if you had to like do one thing and hashtag it wisdom and action for this week around intellectual wellness, what would it be

Courtney Dorsey 44:21
checking in with yourself? I like that. Always check in with yourself.

Shannon M. 44:25
I want to do what do I want more of in life? I like that question. And I’m going to do is specifically for the guy want to do for myself more in life to take better care of myself. Like is it outdoors? Do I want to go to brunch every now and then like what do I want to do? What do I want more? I’m not. I love that.

Christine Gautreaux 44:47
I’m gonna take from our conversation that both Courtney and you referenced Shannon about keeping it simple. My wisdom and action this week is going to be drink more water and to take deeper breaths. And to like, really check in with myself in breathing, but also drinking more water doing some of those practical tips to keep my wellness up.

Courtney Dorsey 45:10
I love that.

Christine Gautreaux 45:12
Courtney, thank you so much for taking time to be with us today. We have loved conversation, folks can find you at Life Coach co.com, we will put all of your contact info in our show notes. And, and we’ll put a link to your weekly show so folks can find you there. And we’re just so grateful to know you and being in connection with you. Yeah, thank you so

Courtney Dorsey 45:37
much, guys, for having me. I really appreciate it. And I really enjoyed my time with you guys as well. I look forward to having you both on talk sessions to talk about some wisdom in women’s life. So you guys be on the lookout for that as well.

Christine Gautreaux 45:53
We look forward to it. Have a great day. So fun. So very fun. What stuck out to you today.

Shannon M. 46:02
Oh, well, one, I love the question that you said you guys are working on and the sessions that you’ve been in, what do you want more of in life? I think thinking about that when I stepped down from the salary position really helped me get back in touch with my creativity. Remember all these things that I forgot I wanted for myself and and then really started me on this journey of what does that look like? How do I do it in? How do I make sure I get some rest and don’t drive myself crazy from being overwhelmed at the same time. So I love that. And also,

Christine Gautreaux 46:37
the co founder of Interplay was the one that introduced that today at the national leaders meeting. And he also said after after we had that talk back and forth, and we just put on some music and we moved with it with the possibility of that you can allow yourself to have that, like name it, but also claim it. Like if you want more rest in your life. How do you create that? You know?

Shannon M. 47:00
Yes. And that’s something else. So I love her giving grace to yourself. You know? Absolutely. We want to make sure that we don’t overuse words that they have the power that they should have. But with women, I don’t think that we can overuse that right now. I think giving grace and allowing ourselves to move forward, whether it’s perfect or not. And just take one step at a time, not only for women for everybody is really important. So those two things. Yeah.

Christine Gautreaux 47:30
Yeah, I think it’s important. Yeah. As we learn new

Shannon M. 47:33
things, you know, we talked about that this week as a lot to learn it and do it at the same time. That’s intellectual wellness, how do you stay open, so that you really learned a lesson and not shrink away into anxiety or overwhelm or burnout?

Christine Gautreaux 47:49
Well, and one thing we didn’t talk about, but we’ve talked about in the past is incremental steps. Yeah, that you don’t have to learn it all in one, one, day one setting one, you can do it in incremental steps. And and it builds up, you know, like Courtney was saying, if you read one page, or if you want, you know, I know what I’m doing one of those apps about learning a new language and it’s just like one little lesson 110 minute lesson a day. And it builds up so I love Hey, give us a shout out for Shayla glow. And what’s happening. Do we have are we announcing a Shay wrote this week? Are we doing that next week?

Shannon M. 48:30
No, not this week. We will do it next week. And I will let you ladies know all the information. Next on next week’s show Wednesday at five Yes, but there’s a lot going on at shallow glow. Right now I’m thinking about changing the sizes for the containers. I’m thinking about extending the scent line you know you ladies have been asking for lemongrass, shea butter, Lavender Vanilla, and you know it’s on the way it’s actually in the mail. So we’re going to try some new scents out and make sure that they’re up to the quality and what I know you ladies like I know that we don’t like the super chemical, the smell so I’m testing it out. And I’m having a lot of fun, you know working on product development and implementing everything else that goes into the system. So we’re working on our system that shallow glow, and that includes the Shea row. So if you have not already put in your nomination, the doors are not closed yet. Please email my shea row to shallow glow@gmail.com And that’s for a woman in your life in your community that makes a world of a difference and may need some help herself prioritize it herself wellness so that she can continue to move forward in her journey and add everything that she does to your life. So in addition to that, we also have 5% off for our women connected and wisdom listeners because let’s be honest, you guys are my favorite podcast listeners. So use wise five to get 5% off and you can enjoy So Shayla well products as well. Oh,

Christine Gautreaux 50:02
thank you for that discount for our listeners. I love it and I love your program of giving back to the community. I’m so glad that Shayla Glo is our sponsor for this show.

Shannon M. 50:12
And don’t forget, be well be wise and the whole. Ladies, thank you so much for joining us. We’ll see you here next week we say looking forward to it.

Unknown Speaker 50:25
Thanks for listening. This has been the women connected and wisdom podcast on-air live on Wednesdays at 5 pm. Eastern via Facebook and YouTube. Be sure to like share and subscribe be part of the conversation and get connected at women connected in wisdom.com.